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- I am not here to grieve Larry’s death, but to thank G-d that such a man lived. Indeed, the timing of his demise, like the ending of a story, gives a changed meaning to what preceded it. And obviously, true wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves and the world around us…
- Children begin by loving their parents; then they judge them; rarely, do they forgive them. But blame is for G-d and the small children we must keep from going insane. Leanne discovered she couldn’t have them. And I had married into insanity. Indeed, mothers may be fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own…
- Imagination was given to man to compensate for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. We don’t lose our sense of humor because we get old. We get old because we lose our sense of humor. The problem with humor is often that people you use it on aren’t in a very good mood. And Joey G was cute when he was being humorless…
- Just as there are doctors who help people who have done bad things, there are lawyers who defend bad people. People do not win fights, lawyers do. Everyone thinks defense lawyers must believe their clients are innocent, but that’s seldom true. Most of the time they are guilty as O.J… yet Trev also got his client off — mostly…
- Mother’s Day can be a torment, especially if your mother’s been dead less than a year… Men are what their mothers made them. And my mother was slightly insane. She told us baked potato skins were bad for us – so she could devour ours. Hmm… I write a mental letter to my mother every day… and apparently so does my brother…
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Monthly Archives: January 2014
If it is zero degrees out today and it’s suppose to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? Hmm…There is nothing you can do about the weather – except pour a bigger drink…and realize that to Mother Nature man is little more than a gnat on an elephant’s ass…
My 93-year Big MaMa called the other night to notify me that the San Francisco area may finally get some rain after suffering emergency drought conditions for many months. I thought that was nice of her to phone in the … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Arctic, Central Africa, cold, democracy, East, East.winter, football, Guntanamo, homosexuality, hurricanes, Kiev, Mother Nature, New Jersey, New York, onion, Philadelphia, politics, San Francisco, snow, Sochi, stock market, Super Bowl, Superbowl, Syria, TV, TV cable, Wall Street, Washington, weather, Winter Olympics, women, World Cup
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Obviously I’m not the world’s most handsome man… I’m the world’s second most handsome man! And all I can say is that G-d must love ugly people…because he made so many of us. Fortunately I have good-looking kids…thank goodness my ex-wife cheated on me…
My recent and ongoing weekend warrior was asking me the other day why I think she and I have been hitting it off so well. That’s a euphemism for: What do you like about me? And to respond to something … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged bourbon, Caribbean, cigars, fat, Freud, Haiti, Haitian, Jewish, LatinAmerica, poker, Renaissance, skinny, TV, viagra, whiskey, zaftig
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I want to be buried with a mobile phone, so I can get in the last word…Besides, the cell phone is a good way to talk to people without having to buy them a drink…And now my new phone actually ‘demands!’ that I articulate clearly and not mumble. Hmm…The rain in Spain falls mainly and plainly on eating my girlfriend for dinner?
A few years back when I had my evening drive-time radio talk show, an elocution expert called me on air one evening. She insisted that I needed ‘coaching.’ Desperately. Apparently I mumbled and chopped words so badly she thought I … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged AlexanderGraham bell, America, brothel, cell phone, computer, heart, Israel, Italian, mobile, Morocco, Moscow, Note II, Obamacare, Philadelphia, premium, prima, Putin, Russia, Russian, Spain, Spanish, synagogues, technology, tsunami, U.S.
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Half the doctors in this country graduated in the bottom half of their class. And when a man with high fever lacks mental balance these docs say he is delirious. Yet when he lacks mental balance without the fever, he is pronounced insane by those ‘smart’ doctors… Indeed, something’s making us crazy…
Maybe I wasn’t asking the right question. I mean, I called the drug store in deep throaty despair and asked the pharmacist to prepare some antibiotics for me. I was dying. Okay, so we’re all dying. But my death was … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged America, Americans, AndroGel, Antibiotics, cholesterol, Christmas, Cialis, computerhealthcare, crucifix, DEA, docs, doctors, ER, Europe, Four Seasons, French, Ho Chi Minh, insurance, Jehovah, Jewish, nurse, Obamacare, pediatrician, Pennsylvania Hospital, pharmacist, Philadelphia, pope, prescription, proctologist, psychiatrist, pulmonologist, Ratchet, Russians, strep, Super Horny Goat Weed, tort, viagra, Vietnamese, Xmas, Yohimbe
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