Why I hate liberals, corporate vampires and the need to raise our machetes.

Today we really are a bunch of wimps. When we protested in the 60s and 70s we got shot by troopers, beaten by Guardsmen, attacked by German dogs, pummeled by uniformed pigs without lipstick, gassed by men in masks and all the other good stuff that made you appreciate that in America protesting was a virtue. Now we won’t even play football in the snow.

And the other week perhaps as many of 300 leftwing leftovers of the intelligentsia of the erstwhile golden era convened in Philadelphia City Hall. There should have been thousands. They were there to protest the monstrous Marcellus Shale gas drilling in the lower reaches of Pennsylvania and down through Delaware and Maryland. This involves a process known as fracking where the gas companies drill down a mile; then drill in another more perpendicular direction thru the shale for another mile; pump all sorts of chemicals including uranium and other radioactive materials down there; empty half the river beds and guarantee us – as in the movies Brockovitch and Silkwood – that tomorrow the sun will come up and surely glow even brighter than the rest of us do all night from drinking our contaminated well water.

Hmmm. I think I got that close enough for government work.

The city councilwoman, looking very fetching in her black pant suit, and her immaculate grey suburban coif, who I think was chairing the meeting; or gathering the information to pass along to other listless bureaucracies; or whatever city council people do when they are not doing it to us, immediately apologized that she would soon have to leave because she had another more important meeting ripe with grander photo opportunities. But she assured them that her lackey sidekicks would gather their speeches. So, the protesters, who had long-ago, organized and notified about this meeting, were left to circle jerk. And that’s too bad – sort of. Because many of them with their Ph.D.’s and M.D.’s and engineering degrees and I’m-a-concerned-mother-with-a-child degrees had some germane, if not lofty position papers. That is, if you believed them any more than you would the corporate gas company positions, or the governor and approving legislators horizontal positions as they all received money from the corporate gas interests. Or landowners who have sold drilling rights so that they can retire to Florida

For what I’ve learned over the years as a journalist, entrepreneur, provocateur here and around the world is that everybody lies. How much depends on how much they have to gain or lose. In fact the first casualty of war – and everything is a war, even raising your children — is truth. After that it is all madness.

The only question I raised that night was when one too many folks talked about government regulations I wondered aloud: Well who is going to protect us from the government?

Coincidentally, the very next night I was in Mugshots coffee shop in Philadelphia’s Fairmount section. One of the speakers from the night before stood up to wring her hands and repeat some of the awful things the gas companies have inflicted in the past with fracking. It was a high degree of whining and kavetching, which becomes almost fatuous. Oy-vey!  As the movie director shouts: Action! Please!

The fact remains that the gas companies have bought everybody and politicians come cheap. The only expensive cannibals in the group are the lawyers because they know how to value their complete lack of morals and ethics. Meanwhile, I’ve learned from the front row seats on the sorrow and the fury that when times get tough you can’t trust a liberal to back you up. They’re too busy backing up their BMWs and Volvos all the way to the suburbs. Furthermore, most Americans could care less. They’re too busy watching football news. They don’t even care that Arabs and Muslims are killing one another fighting for the same ersatz freedoms we enjoy. They just want to know how the conflict over there in the MidEast is going to affect the gasoline for their cars over here.

So I postured that since we can’t stop the tunnel from caving in we can at least mitigate it with some fierce palliative measures. The gas companies have stipulated — and the politicians have signed off on it — that there will be no deadly water pollution dessicating our previous good health, causing us to choke, turn colors and drop dead like an autumn leaf. So they shouldn’t have any trepidation about signing an agreement that our top ten concerns will never happen. You don’t need any damn $800 an hour lawyers to screw this up. And if the worst does happen they have three choices: over-circumcision, castration or transgendering. With a machete. And not just for them, but for their families, their grandchildren and even the dog.

The hand-wringing liberal crowd was aghast. Me thinks they don’t protest enough in front of the mirror. Even the non-Quakers were appalled at the perceived violence in my proposal. This is why liberals should be forced to eat their young. I said, what do you call poisoning our rivers and contaminating our Good Mother Earth? This is OUR water. What they are doing is war! They will be putting us in body bags. And are we just supposed to lay down and write our half-twit congressmen who are busy sucking down bottled water?

There are reasons why so many countries have had to fight revolutions. And so many have had to fight un-civil wars. And why millions of men have died in order to give us a life worth fighting for. But that’s why I despise liberals as much as lying corporate vampires. If a liberal sees a naked man with an erection and a knife chasing a woman down a dark alley he thinks the man must be collecting for the Red Cross.

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