Just for duh record: Jesus is Jewish; Obama ain’t black; McCain was a bad pilot, and Palin and Bachmann are two half-wits that don’t add up to a wit. And everybody lies!

As me dear ol’ pappy used to say between those omnipotent puffs on his omniscient corn cob pipe: You don’t need to tell a woman she is beautiful, you just ought to remind her.

Hmmm…the man should have kept his bathrobe closed.

Which got me to thinking we all need some reminding – mostly about how we can get all dressed up in black and white, but we still ain’t nothing but an ape in a tuxedo, spats, top hat, cane and all.

For example, Texas Guv Rick Perry, our latest, ‘g-d-forbid’, Presidential contender, needs to be reminded that Jesus was a Jew – even if it was only on his mother’s side. Still is a Jew as far as the Bible tells me so. And that America’s treasure is its religious pluralism.

So that prayer meeting with its mostly fundamentalist, evangelical Christian invitees he aided and abetted down in bible thumping Houston arena a week or so ago was not something that was going to remind us that all creatures great and small, the good Lord made us ALL!

Big Rick asked G-d to guide the nation’s leaders. Even though I am a Jew who, for the last four years has assiduously dedicated my prayers and hallelujahs  to Christian Stronghold Church in West Philadelphia, I do know that Guv Perry also needs reminding that the founding fathers of this country were mostly Deists.

Which is why we, in the grandest manifestation of all, and unlike most other bogus ‘free’ countries in this world, are endowed with separation of church and state.

Now, in case you need reminding: To the Deists, like many of our early American Indian tribes, and Jefferson and Einstein, and so forth, G-d most certainly exists and is illustrated in the lawful harmony of the universe. However, He is not a G-d who involves himself in the – daily or otherwise – matters of man.

That’s why He gave us a brain that is, hopefully, still evolving. It is more intricate and sophisticated than any brain of any creature on the planet. And in case you have forgotten, let me remind you, it is not just for stiffening our winkies.

But I’ll save anatomy 101 classes for the evenings you are struggling to close your bathrobe – like my dear ol’ pappy. No doubt when you’ll need some reminding that there are definitely times you shouldn’t let hard feelings rise up between you and anyone – especially at Guv Rick’s prayer meeting.

While I am taking this time, I also feel the inclination to remind you now and again of how I’d like to set the record straight. Just a few incidental matters at a time before we allow our politicians to steal more than they’re supposed to.

For instance, President Obama is not black. Therefore he is not our first black President. That dubious distinction clearly belongs to Bubba Bill Clinton.

Why do you laugh?

I do not jest. Bubba Clinton is much blacker than Obama. I mean, if black-only-on-his-father’s-side Obama wasn’t married to Michelle, wouldn’t we need to be reminded of his color?

And sax-tootin’-Razorback-pants-on-duh-floor Bubba is ‘married’ to Hillary. Do I need to say more?

Hmm…  men make mistakes, but married men find out about them a whole lot sooner. I mean, I’ve married a few people I shouldn’t have…but haven’t we all?

Then there is my least favorite Republican who left his first wife for a second — one who is a whole lot richer and younger and prettier, and has a heart that can chill your six-pack.

And, of course, that’s the most enticing part of Sen. John McCain’s charisma — either that or his aftershave.

But I won’t go into that. Nor into his troubles 20 years ago as one of five U.S. Senators personally entrapped in the web of the Keating Five banking fiasco that was as reprehensible in American history as the Teapot Dome scandal.

But McCain managed to eventually perfume his way out – how typical of his deodorizing career — just as he did when his grandfather and father were both Admirals and McCain was obviously a bad pilot. Ask other pilots of the day what would have happened to them if they nosed-dive a couple of fighter jets into the brink.

And let’s get this straight: McCain weren’t no war hero. Vietnam weren’t no war. Therefore, there weren’t no Prisoners of War. And whatever truly occurred in those internment camps didn’t only happen to McCain anymore or less than it readily occurred to all the bloody captives. Ask them, too. I think it was “Mother Jones” publication that reported the story a couple years back.

The only so-called war heroes of that day were the anti-war protestors. Because they not only vetted all the lies, they proved how abominable and contemptuous our government and military were.

So let’s cease and desist the apocryphal fairy tales. McCain is, was and always has been a dirty vacuum bag that will do anything to ride in first class and stay clear of the cattle cars. Marry for money, prostitute for money, deny for money, lie for money and keep lying until he can lie in the White House – for money.

But of course, let’s not remind one another of the facts.

The truth is irrelevant: All that matters is what people are willing, or led, or reminded often enough to believe.

As with Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann: I always like men with a future and women with a past. And these two beauties certainly have a delicious history. But we shouldn’t let it charm us into tomfoolery.

We need reminding that while beautiful women are a feast for the eyes, they are often a famine for the brain. Need I say more?

They indeed have “A Beautiful Mind” between the two of them. But that doesn’t mean two half-wits add up to a wit.

I am not here to castigate all women. Even if I am a male chauvinist pig. I used to be married. Many times. I know how to follow orders. I got higher uxorious degrees.

Look, I’m superficial to the bone. I’d like to schtoop Gov. Palin. Probably even Rep. Bachmann. So would most men. Just like a whole lot of women wanted to be schtooped by JFK. And were. A good man or woman doesn’t just happen. They have to be created by the folks who desire them.

As Gypsy Rose Lee once uttered: Men aren’t attracted to me by my mind. They’re attracted by what I don’t mind.

And what does that have to do with being the leader of the most powerful nation on the planet?


Qualifications. Experience. Integrity.They’re the stuff that builds a successful business.

I’m just reminding us boys and girls not to let our winkies do the walking in the voting booth. We get seduced so easily. And we start swallowing the delusion, like Romeos and Juliets, that one man or one woman differs from another.

For, as I’ve said time and again, we all lie. The trouble is that it often isn’t what we don’t say, but what we do say that just ain’t true.

And dats yDrewIS on DIS penal colony.

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