Some folks like to insist there are only steers and queers in Texas. And you don’t look like no steer. Well, no doubt from G-d’s far away aerie we all look more than a little queer — whether we are single, married or divorced…Odd as that may seem to some folks…even if you’re asexual…

As a divorced father recently wailed: Gay people should definitely be allowed to get married. Just because somebody’s gay doesn’t mean he shouldn’t suffer like the rest of us.

Now that’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout!

But for some reason we all seem to be missing the cosmic joke in this comic farce generated by our dear President. Obviously, marriage makes strange bedfellows — just like politics.

And our Prez is desperately seeking votes from all the ‘Adam and Steve’ derrieres he hasn’t kissed up to lately while our economy is still stinging from the butt kicking that jackass Bush left us.

The joke isn’t that gays are making a mockery of G-d’s hallowed institution; it’s that some 55% of us annually divorced heterosexuals have already made a bloody joke of this revolving-door, sanctimonious co-habitation ritual.

Heck, I won’t even give a wedding gift anymore without strings attached: That is, if the ‘dearly betrothed’ overpay the Pope to get an annulment, or super glue the shattered ‘oy-vey!’ glass back together within 3 years, they gotta give me back the present – in its original box. So, like a Xmas fruit cake, I can keep passing it around — just like another sexually transmitted disease.

I have an STD. It’s called children.

So, whaddaya wanna hear from me? That I’m against gay marriage? Yeah, but of course! I do think marriage is a sacred union between a man and a pregnant woman. But that’s why women always knew that abortion should be a sacrament. So they don’t have to stick around during the metamorphosis of her prince-charming hubby turning into nothing more than a crotch-stained couch that farts.

Get with it folks: Marriage is only about taxes and inheritance and money and property rights. It’s about as much about love as the honeymoon.  Which ain’t no different than a person lying they will love you forever.  Forever usually turns out to last about as long as the weekend.

If you still think, these days, that marriage is a great institution, then you ought to be asking yourself: Who wants to be in a bloody institution? Especially one mismanaged by our forcocktah church and state.

Moronically the Press keeps interviewing all the black churches and white politicians and barber shop owners and taxi drivers about their constipated gay-wed discomfort. Like I had when my last ex — and I think another one or two – ran back to marry her lesbian lover in Appalachia.

I mean, I think most people who don’t get the joke have as much perspective on this matter as President Obama’s two young daughters. That’s who he said he consulted on the matter before making his gay pronouncement last week.

Now, if I count on all my fingers and toes, the collective age of both his kids, together, is barely over most states’ legal drinking age.


Now there’s some real age and experience and wisdom for you.

I think I’d rather be consulting my two, or three — or is it four? — bartenders I think I see pouring me my 13th drink.

In life, especially my life, marriage seems to be nothing more than a rather comic intermission from the parade of blunt force concussions, divorce, alimonys and bedpans.

And such.

Marriage, itself, was no doubt initiated by some Babbitt scheming to reroute the flow of money. Better than our rapacious banks and governments do it today.  Just look at Wall Street. Look at Western Europe. Look at Lehman Brothers and JP Morgan and Washington.

Oh, what duh heck: Look at the avarice, malice and moral debauchery everywhere on the map.

And if, like the cynic Diogenes, you ever find an honest man in a gay bar, stick a money clip in him… He’s toast.

Without a doubt the definition of marriage and the relationship of men and women has evolved over the years.

Consider the tautology: During the mere 2,000 years from Jesus Christ Super Star until now, women – at least in the West, and, if you aren’t one of the virgins a Jihad Muslim martyr is expecting to ride into heaven — are no longer treated like chattel. Or cast into poverty. Miscegenation, or matrimony  between cultures and races, is now allowed.

And, voila! We can all get divorces. Like Henry the VIII.

In my case, exactly like Henry the VIII.

But enlightenment was provided me this past Sunday at the Christian Stronghold Church in West Philadelphia, where this Jew has been enjoying, for the past 4 years, the Saturday nite parties they throw every Sunday morning.

I postulated the idea of the continuing evolution redefining marriage to these evangelicals. And my loveable, irascible, dogmatic discussion leader, Harvey Gorrel, was about ready to snip me another over-circumcision.

He simply, and rather poetically for Harvey, explained that G-d has given us the moral order and the Free Will to choose from the beginning. It is we who have chosen to disobey His Word, equivocate, inflict our social injustices and our inhumanity on one another. It is man who has lost his moral compass and pursued moral disorder. G-d has always shown us the right way…


My discussion class consisted of a few hundred of the nearly 2,000 congregants who had packed the second of three services at the 47th and Lancaster Avenue church. They twisted and nodded their beatific faces at Harvey and my opposite directions to pleasantly assess our weekly parrying.

“You know, Harvey,” I could only reply, “I think you got it pretty much right… this time.”

Call them Platonic Forms like the Greeks. Call them ideologies, like the ancient Egyptians. Whatever you call them, they are the same in any time, or place, or religion. It is our faith in the perfect morals and ethics and actions of G-d’s Word.

We must have something to lord over the steering wheel on the ride thru eternity. And man has chosen Faith. Not faith in man’s fickle fingers of fashion and fortunes. But faith in Him, the imprimatur of style, in all time, in all fashion and all places, who gives us all things.

Hmm…I think Harvey’s starting to get to me. Either that, or I’m just fed up with all the damn foolish follies of meshugenahs.

Look, anyone who wants to get married deserves to know that hell is nothing but opening your eyes in the morning. And that’s not only to face all the bills.

It doesn’t mean that gay marriages are going to be any better or worse.

Then again, what duh heck. Maybe they oughtta have their chance at failure, too.

I ain’t comfortable with it. But I think I should be willing to consider giving it a shot. Who am I to just say no – pill popping Nancy Reagan?

How much worse can it get? What we’re doing so far isn’t working in City Hall, the State House or the Congress. Even in G-d’s House all over duh world. So why not give the LBGT and others a shot?

They can’t do any worse. (Okay, I admit: They probably will.) But we heterosexuals have screwed most everything up already – not only marriage, but our children. Maybe it’ll be a better chemical mixture of testosterone and estrogen. We may not have any more wars – just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

Who knows?

Just remember some folks like to insist that there are only steers and queers in Texas. And you don’t look like no steer. Well, no doubt from G-d’s far and high aerie we all look more than a little queer — whether we are single, married or divorced… Odd as that may seem to some folks – even if you’re asexual.

And dats yDrewIs on DIS penal colony.

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2 Responses to Some folks like to insist there are only steers and queers in Texas. And you don’t look like no steer. Well, no doubt from G-d’s far away aerie we all look more than a little queer — whether we are single, married or divorced…Odd as that may seem to some folks…even if you’re asexual…

  1. medizer says:

    Are you intentionally using forcocktah instead of fakakta? Fakakta, Yiddish for crazy, messed up.

    Your usage: Especially one mismanaged by our forcocktah church and state.

    • distrunk says:

      yes, it is intentional. But thankx for noticing. It is always a pleasure to know I have more readers than just my mother.
      And dats yDrewIS on dis penal colony…

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