I often seem to confuse the ritual of baptism with waterboarding. I do know that one of them ‘absolutely’ gets the truth out of you… Meanwhile, back in the Sea of Galilee some American congressmen were swimming naked….

I’m glad I am a man who once danced naked with a woman in the Mediterranean Sea at midnight. We were inebriated by all those magical potions indulgent lovers embrace under candlelit stars.

And to this very day, even with the gravity of life pulling memories away, I can still inhale the lusty petals of that flowering, youthful moment. It was but a kiss in time. And absolutely divine.

Which sets me to wondering why we tolerate all these so-called politically-correct, overzealous puritans who roam unchallenged, tsk-tsking among us. They roar, burn and crash like a sudden summer squall. Their jaws are firmly set, dour-faced and indignant, afraid that someone, somewhere may actually be having a good time.

In one burst of lightning we’ve just learned that this republican congressman from Kansas, freshman Kevin Yoder, is practically being force-marched to genuflect before his voter flock with totally sincere supplicating tears of apologies.

Kid, let me give you the golden rule of politics: If you ain’t been caught in bed with a dead woman or a live man you got nothing to explain. To NOBODY.  As the Buddha proscribed: If you just don’t kill, steal, or drunkenly imbibe in a multitude of otherwise pleasure-denying vows then nothing really happened.. You got no problem. – at least until your next transmigration.

It seems that Yoder splashed into the Sea of Galilee one night with a party of highly spirited fellow law makers and wives. Yoder, however, was the only one naked, devoid of his armor of modest fig leaf.

This was a year ago. And for some unfathomable perverse reasoning the powers of Press to be have decided this is sumting we now oughtta be knowing ‘bout. With less than a hundred days before the election to the Big Dance, I can only wonder why.

…. Yep….

Hmm…. And you wonder why I drink heavily…even when I’m not in Buffalo.

Yoder’s wife was front and center. And so were several other fine, fine, impure bloodlines of republican congressional folk. They jumped into Israel’s largest fresh water lake – upon which Jesus supposedly walked as well as performed several other sublime biblical miracles.

The delegation of free-loading politicians had spent the evening wining, wining, wining… and dining. Their waiters had prodded them, saying that many patrons jump in to escape the summer heat. And once more the ancient admonishing proverb resounded: Wine has drowned more men than the sea.

It no doubt seemed like a good idea at the time…. And, to be perfectly unequivocal about it in this tightass, overpolitical, hypocritical, unrighteous, meshugehnah world: It absolutely was – and still is — a damn good idea!

Very damn good.

It’s not like these guys and wives are anything other than anthropomorphic  zoo escapees from the Capitol asylum. They got a free ride to the holy land. So they could come back with fishes and loaves, and otherwise feast on first-hand insights to foreign affairs.


What they should have come back with is a little bit of history, knowledge and some of dat ol’ time religion. Not to mention a good dose of morals and scruples.

Instead, just as all rivers are drowned in the sea, all virtues are plunged  into the flooding sewers of self-interest.

And that’s too darn bad.

At first I thought I had finally found a couple of likeable GOP bozos who would be proud as a Georgia peach NOT to join a club – such as the Augusta National Golf Club.—that would have them as a member. I was hoping they were just some dog-butt sniffing, fraternity pranksters who would gladly crawl with Monica across the White House rug.

You know, like the children Brother Matthew invoked in the bible when he said, to the effect, that unless you act as children you are not welcomed into the kingdom of heaven… Apparently we are supposed to ‘immature’ with age.

But then, everybody in the Galilee political delegation got bad religion. They whined and kvetched that they themselves didn’t do dat, but dose guys over dere did. Honest, your Honor, I didn’t piss in Your pool.

Nothing but self-serving rats drowning their honor and dignity into the ignoble sea of sanctimony. Obviously, the sea has neither meaning, nor pity.

I read that republican majority leader Eric Cantor was howling like a man painfully snagged by his pants zipper. He and others excoriated the wetbacks for such undignified behavior.

He thought it looked bad.


How bad could it look? I mean, afterall, they are already stinking politicians. They make my dead aunt’s hairy moles seem delectable.

Now remember, these were undoubtedly some of the same good-ol-boys, from the same congressional body who were forced to recently adopt regulations prohibiting themselves from conducting ‘illegal’ insider stock trading on information garnered from legislation pending before them.

These are the guys that covet, steal, lie, cheat and say the stupidest, most idiotic vulgar tripe. Then as a whoops! afterthought,  offer a contrite apology that they misspoke.

Hey, who hasn’t heard of this dumb, dumber and dumbest mouth of a Missouri congressman, Todd Akin, running (or so he continues to proclaim) for the GOP U.S. Senate. He practically stipulated that women don’t get pregnant from ‘legitimate’ rape.

Hmm…. And I understand that ‘legitimate’ murders don’t cause death.

I guess since a politician never believes what he says, he is quite surprised to be taken at his word. But do you really expect anything more or less from guys and girls who just wanna go to Washington and get in on the bacchanalian Party?

No wonder former U.S. Sen. Bob Dole ended up promoting Viagra. But I don’t think that having sex with the road kill of beltway animals is the same thing as making love to us common folks, aka feral voters..

Hmm… maybe I should ask the Pope. Then again, how would the Pope know anything about sex?….

I think I need to shuffle back to Buffalo.

You would think that it would be a grand idea, these American politicians ‘purifying’ themselves in the same sacred waters that Jesus’ words purified and baptized so many others. Then again, I always seem to confuse the ritual of baptism with the ritual of waterboarding. I do know that one of them ‘absolutely’ gets the truth – more or less — out of you.

Cantor was more worried about looking good, indeed, rather than performing good deeds. I mean, what do you call 535 U.S. congressmen and senator s ‘really’ doing duh deadman’s float under the Sea of Galilee?

A very,very good looking deed….indeed.

I don’t care if Yoder and the others jumped into these holy waters or not. Or whether they were downright naked. Besides, no one notices a fully-clothed  congressman anyway. Except maybe when he’s got $90,000 in unmarked bills stuffed in his underwear..

In truth, the only way to look at a politician is down. Yet, no matter how far down you look — even into the biblical Sea of Galilee — you’ll still find them right next to the fish — fornicating and urinating.

Look, the fact remains, that fish living in the sea do just as men living on land — the great ones eat up the little ones.

It seems somewhat perverse to me that some among us believe that civilization ends at the waterline, where we all enter the food chain. I guess I am more of a skeptic: Civilization never began. And it never ended. It simply never was. Life is what it is.

I don’t really know if life has a plot. It merely awaits us like the sea awaits the river. Life is life in this sea of air and water and earth and fire where we embark each dawn to drown our virtues and morals in self interest, just as all rivers drown into the uncivilized sea. (Hmm… you know, sometimes the stuff I say makes me wanna pucker a big ol’ kiss to me-own-lips.)

Indeed, we are punished by our sins, not for them.

Such is life… No matter how we swim in troubled waters.

And once again I am proud to say I am a man who danced naked with a woman in the Mediterranean Sea under the starry, starry midnight lights…. It wasn’t fresh like Galilee, just something seasoned a little bit saltier. But for me it was, to be sure, still blessed.

And dats yDrewIS on DIS penal colony…

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