Monthly Archives: September 2012

Most folks live to have resumès, instead of having resumès because they lived…Most resumès ain’t nothing but lies that nobody bothers to read anymore — and not just because there ain’t no jobs…And then along came not-quite-5-year-old Andrew who asked me to help write his resumè…Oy-vey-iz-mir!

I think on my resumè, which I have never finished nor submitted anywhere, it still says that I can juggle while driving my ex-wives mad; am working on a cure for mental halitosis and teenagers; am totally politically-incorrect and a … Continue reading

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Eskimo: “If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?”… Priest: “No, not if you did not know.”… Eskimo: “Then why did you tell me?”… Priest: “It’s my duty…” Hmm…When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of he always declares that it is his duty…

The risk in writing or talking about religion is that you are always running into sincerely pious folks. And just because you are sincere doesn’t mean you ain’t stoopid. Once again, and all too often, dem holy-rollers are slow to … Continue reading

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The ultimate cure for all pain and suffering is death. But short of that we go to the dentist. With them it is simple: no pain, no glory. It seems like masochism – something I had to give up because I was enjoying it too much. And then a six-month tooth grenade sent me fleeing to a local dental school…

I’m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can’t understand is: If they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your … Continue reading

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From the recent conventions you must agree that Republicans have nothing but bad ideas. And the Democrats have no ideas. Indeed, democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. And I’ve come to believe the only difference between Republicans and Democrats is Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too…

I have a confession. I have been a Republican – at least in my lustful heart — since birth. But in truth, I have never found a Republican to vote for. It’s not that I don’t trust them. I trust … Continue reading

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