From the recent conventions you must agree that Republicans have nothing but bad ideas. And the Democrats have no ideas. Indeed, democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. And I’ve come to believe the only difference between Republicans and Democrats is Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too…

I have a confession. I have been a Republican – at least in my lustful heart — since birth. But in truth, I have never found a Republican to vote for. It’s not that I don’t trust them. I trust them with anything in the world — except public office.

At the same time, when inquiring minds seek to read the tea leaves of my politically stained underwear they imperiously demand to know if I am a Democrat or Republican. I have been heard to respond: I belong to no ‘organized’ political party. That is, I am a Democrat.

Actually my father said my grandmother, his mother-in-law — whom he detested, and vice-versa, even more when it was discovered they celebrated the same Gemini birth day — was our family’s first Democrat. On her death bed. That is, when her brain was dead but her heart was still beating.

Obviously my father, like many Republicans, was irascible. As well, as a very democratic and ecumenical Yid. Once when my politically convicted Mother asked for whom he voted, he replied:  “I wrote in: Jesus Christ, ‘cause we sure as hell need him now!”

Hmm… And you wonder why crabs have been known to eat their parents.

And now with the Republican national convention echoing, and the Democrats supplicating I still don’t know which meshugenah is worth casting my worthless vote for. No matter how big my flat screen TV, or how high the definition, the technology still doesn’t clarify the muddle of political obfuscation.

In other words: Everybody lies. And politicians lie because… well… because the alternative is worse. They lie even when they apologize. They lie even when their lips aren’t moving. They lie about their opponents while their opponents claim to be telling the truth about them. And they all out-lie better than most of us are able to out-think.

Hmm… Go figure.

Nevertheless I’ve gotta vote. I’m not some cynical, jaded masochist that bleats: If voting changed anything, they’d make it illegal.

Hmm… Come to think of it, isn’t that what the Voter ID cards are doing? Maybe we ought to have ‘observers’ from Africa and Asia to make sure we have a fair and honest election.

Furthermore, we know from the chads fiasco in Florida that gave us ‘Bush,’ it’s not who casts the votes; it’s who counts them.

Meanwhile, the trouble is that bad politicians are sent to Washington by good people who don’t vote. So voting is more than mere duty. I mean one of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics, at least by voting, is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. So, we all better turn on to politics before politics turn on us.

And furthermore, we’d all certainly like to vote for the best man. Unfortunately, the best man is never running. As ever, politics is the need to choose between the disastrous and the unpalatable.

And my modus operandi has always been: If you can’t decide who to vote ‘for,’ then vote ‘against’. That would mean I would be voting against President Obama, who I worked and voted for the last time around when he was spouting hope. Actually I would have voted for a dead skunk in the middle of the road than anything that smelled like Bush or Dick.

Hmm… That’ll put holy perfume in your bathwater.

So, here I am, stuck painfully straddling the saddle… again.

And to be forthright and honest, I have to admit that I am – despite that Bush left him a cesspool that even Moses couldn’t part —  more than a tad ‘disappointed’ in Obama. It’s not that he hasn’t done ANYTHING. He definitely has, despite a recalcitrant, lunatic House. It’s that the Prez didn’t do what he promised he was gonna do immediately. You know, close Guantanamo.  Immediately end those lying, fabricated, inane wars. And restore the rule of democracy by returning the country — like Aristotle proclaimed — back to the indigents and not the men of property.

Maybe I should vote for the guy who promises the least. At least he will be the least disappointing.

But, for the most part, Obama is a decent man. And as a politician I trust him not to steal more than he’s supposed to. Same with Romney. Yet here I must give Romney the edge. He’s not one of my least favorite ethnics – that is, a lawyer. And he’s a successful businessman.

However, his Republican platform does, indeed, exasperate me. It, as always, appears to be more concerned with the ‘undead’ and ‘unborn’ than it is to guaranteeing rights and freedom for the living – especially those living blow-up dolls, aka women.

And while I am somewhat discomfited by the Democratic platform heralding gay marriage rights, I firmly hold that if you don’t believe in the same rights for those with whom you may not approve of, or disagree, or even like, then you don’t believe in the same rights for everybody in America – the first country to guarantee equal rights and welcome all duh hoi polloi. (Obviously the American Indian had a bad immigration policy.)

Even Mother Nature treats us all equally with the same suffering and pain. And she’s not Democrat or a Republican.  She’s a damn Independent.

Certainly there are many men and women of principle in both parties in America, but there doesn’t seem to be a party of principle. As a result politics seem to have an estranged relation to morals.

And we, in America, seem to all too often put our morals where our money is. And what is amazing is that a fool and his money are often elected. I mean, these guys — Obama and Romney, Democrats and Republicans — are spending more money to get elected than most cities, including Philadelphia, spend to educate their failing public school students. Duh same ‘uneducated’ and unwitting doofuses who one day will be spending even more trillions than we can borrow from China.

But what do I know, except what I hear from all the TV political ads – proving that those of us who don’t stand for something will fall for anything.

It seems to me, for far too long, that this campaign – in fact all politics – is concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong. As some are apt to note: Politics is war without bloodshed, while war is politics with bloodshed. And the first casualty of any war is always: Truth.

Indeed, sometimes I get a miserable feeling beneath my un-scalped hair that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls are right.

And dats yDrewIS on DIS penal colony…

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