Eskimo: “If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?”… Priest: “No, not if you did not know.”… Eskimo: “Then why did you tell me?”… Priest: “It’s my duty…” Hmm…When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of he always declares that it is his duty…

The risk in writing or talking about religion is that you are always running into sincerely pious folks. And just because you are sincere doesn’t mean you ain’t stoopid.

Once again, and all too often, dem holy-rollers are slow to listen, but quick to react with machetes: Hack you to death. Violate duh wife. Eat duh children. Even hang duh damn dawg…

Oy-vey-iz-mir…. No scoundrel is so stupid as to not to find a reason for his vile conduct.

Indeed, time and place again, I am prompted to reiterate loudly and boldly, that like tough-love and rough-sex: You’ve got to know when to hold back.

Whoa, big fellows. I can see that the family humor genes must have skipped your generation. Either that, or like my bourbon sippin’ Pappy used to exhale between those omnipotent puffs on his omniscient corn cob pipe: “Son, it ain’t your fault. I just think the better part of you must have run down your old man’s leg.”

Hmm…. Am I duh last man laughing at all the world’s stoopidity – especially my own?

I mean in Libya, Egypt, Afghanistan and all the rest of those nations carved out by the British Christian boobs — not as countries, but as oil deposits and poppy fields – the dimwits are convicted that their all powerful G-d needs his honor and chastity defended. Running amok they have again killed ‘somebody’ from the West. It was simply because ‘anybody’, in a time zone 8 hours behind the sun setting on their camel’s ass, supposedly mocked their holiest prophet Mohammed.

And the tisk-tisking West, is utterly shell shocked and dismayed.  We sniff that it is one thing to be stoopid. But quite another to be ill mannered.  And further exacerbating our ‘Jesus-this-just-don’t-please-us’ angst (some, unbelievably, denouncing it as a Jewish and Muslim co-conspiracy) is that utter jaw-dropping newzzz that Jesus was actually banging his w-i-f-e (wife), Mary. And all this time we’ve been led to believe that Mary was just another whore.

Hmm…Isn’t it just like a man to say the stoopidest things once he’s had his way with a woman.

And meanwhile, I absolutely need to be drinking in Buffalo.

Who the hell lit the fuse on all these tampons? I mean the real war over this here planet is not the West against the East. It is the few folks, everywhere, in possession of their wits, being bashed and overwhelmed by all the half-witted thuggery…skullduggery…chicanery… that ain’t nothing but insidious profanity.

Indeed, the difference between stoopidity and genius is that genius obviously has its limits. So it seems perverse to ask: Where did all dese and dose stoopid twits come from?

I can’t even begin to fathom if we actually understand how stoopid we are? I mean, how do you know what it’s like to be stupid if you’ve never been smart?

And excuse me if I’ve offended your tender sense and sensibilities. But it seems today that women wear dresses higher than most men’s IQ. Isn’t that why my G-d AND your G-d created breasts? To make men stoopid.


This all has got to be somehow connected to our poor mental hygiene. Too much football. Too much stoning women for adultery when they have been raped by a gang of horny guys with bad beards and amber teeth. Too much religion being a mile wide but only a millimeter deep.

Too much…too much… The trouble with the world is that the stupid are too much cocksure and the intelligent are too much full of doubt.

Also perhaps there is too much nature and too damn little nurture.

No man ever believes that his Bible, or Koran, or holy prayer book in any mystical sense or virtuous form means what it says. He is always convinced that it says what he means. Obviously, such books are as useful to a fool as a mirror is to Ray Charles.

Our lack of education – religious, secular, historical or metaphorical — equates to our lack of tolerance. And our lack of tolerance correlates to our utter stoopidity.

As if we all shouldn’t know  by now that all religions were born out of conflicts or protests. All religions lead us along the path of moral and scruple righteousness.  And all religions help us find our way to heaven, or nirvana, or at least to the next transmigration.

No matter what the destination, it’s the holy trip to the eternal unknown, the nowhere between here and infinity…our everywhere. And just as a candle cannot burn without fire, men cannot live without a spiritual life. However, the Christian and Muslim resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad.

And look what it’s done to our children.

How is it that little children – much like puppies — start out so beautiful and good, but grow up to be like the rest of us dogs. It must be education that does it. The inculcations.

What the hell else could it be? We have nurtured our bad nature. After all, we are born ignorant, but we work hard to remain stupid.

Haven’t you noticed? I mean the only thing we seem to work overtime on — in repetition and redundancy — is to be fat, ugly, dumb and stupid.  Its acronym (FUDS) is what my future-ex-wife, Stephanie Blatt, declared when she accused me of thinking her so insipid.

“Oh, no, dear,” I corrected the green-eyed she-devil. “You’re too evil to be stupid.”

“FUDS –U!” She snorted. Or something that sounded very similar.

Hmm… what would her Baptist missionary parents think? You know, when bad Christians happen to good people.


Life does, indeed, exist in our nature. And nature consists of contradictions. In order to have good, we need evil. In order to have rich, we need poor. In order for life, we need death. And we spend our lives igniting our enemies, so that in the end we can unite our enemy of our enemy around a common goal that is personally beneficial to me and you. Mostly because in G-d we trust, all others need cash.

Unfortunately, hate, like greed and most any sin, is so much more a powerful motivator than love.

Furthermore, if we all loved one another during the week, what in heaven’s name would be do on Sunday mornings? That business, too, needs our bidness.

Indeed, it is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil in their enemies. But think what a wonderful world it would be if they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men. Then the devil would probably go on unemployment.

And that ain’t ever gonna come to be. Then it would be a world without goals. No reason to assault the dawn. We’d be doing nothing more than merely kicking the ball up and down the field.

What’s the point? What’s to gain. Where’s the glory? What’s the enterprise? Even one-for-all-and-all-for-one has got to spill some blood now and then. If for nothing else than to nourish the thirsty soul.

In truth my G-d and your G-d, as well as most any G-d is good. But you cannot believe in God until you believe in yourself. And most of us folk just lack the confidence. Not to mention the brains.

Meanwhile, you can safely assume that you’ve created a G-d in your own image when it turns out that G-d hates all the same people you do…

And dats yDrewIS on DIS penal colony…

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s