Monthly Archives: October 2012

I am on my fourth dental student since July. And I still haven’t even had my teeth cleaned yet. But I have gotten blamed for the last mishap. I thank Jesus for both of us being Jewish…I mean I’m used to being blamed…

It’s not just because I am Jewish, but I am used to being blamed for most everything. I can’t even pass by a sobbing woman without feeling responsible. I mean, after all, Jewish mothers invented guilt. Like Mary, who constantly … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

At first I thought I was witnessing an accident. Then I realized I was merely an accidental tourist to a man’s opportunity. The problem is: Most opportunities are disguised, so most people don’t see them… And after the last Presidential debate all I’m looking for is common sense.

While day-dreaming, walking up a shady city street the other afternoon I caught sight of a chunky man with a twisted, crippled right arm. He had leaped up and flopped his tumbling rear end through the open backdoors of a … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I move so fast that when I turn out the lights I am in bed before the room gets dark. Contrary to a popular bumper sticker: Speed don’t kill. Only stupidity… And then there was the man who fell to earth faster than the speed of sound…

A few of the times I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane I thought it would help speed me to wherever I was going in record time. And isn’t that just like America: We’re a country that doesn’t know … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Listen up! There is no life without sex – married, single or symbiotic. So does it follow that since I’m not having sex with anything I don’t have to inflate, that I don’t have a life?….Well…. But of course!

My dear ol’ bourbon sippin’ Pappy used to exhale between those omnipotent puffs on his omniscient corn cob pipe that: Sex is alot like oxygen – you don’t miss it unless you ain’t gettin’ any. So why does it seem … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery. You see how simple the law should be — for animal, mineral or vegetable…

When somebody I barely know asks – especially when it sounds like a regal, imperious demand — what do I do, I often reply, quite earnestly: I sell white women in Africa… And that, as they say, is often the … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment