Our crooks are elected by the vast majority who don’t vote. We have closed our eyes to the public corruption of our democracy. We don’t need more laws! We need less stoopid people to see that corruption is nature’s way of restoring our faith in democracy…

“You can’t blame Eve,” exhaled my dear ol’ bourbon sippin’ Pappy between one of those omnipotent puffs on his omniscient corncob pipes. “She may have made man weak between the knees. But it was G-d who made man stoopid between the ears!”

Pappy’s peroration was over 50 years ago. He was snortin’ and shruggin’ about some government official. Another one had gotten caught ‘both-handed’: One bulldozing the public’s cookie jar. And the other in his mistress’ cookies.

“With a man’s mind prone to Evil,” guffawed Pappy, “Anything and everything can corrupt us. It don’t take no woman in a high dress and low self esteem. G-d blundered. He all but made corruption compulsory. Man can’t help himself. We don’t even know why, but we chase it as blindly as we do a woman’s tail.”

Hmm…

Although I was pre-pubescent at the time I guiltily burped out that I was ashamed that G-d made me a man.

Of course my irascible Pappy merely puffed: “I don’t think G-d’s doing a lot of braggin’ about it either.”

And you wonder why I’ve got some serious mental challenges.

But, of course!

I got to thinking about what a sleazy web of corruption we all weave while recently reading in my local newspapers that Philadelphia’s District Attorney is organizing a special division to investigate public integrity and public corruption cases.

Stop duh presses!

You mean it wasn’t a lie when Philly – among other American metropolises — was trumpeted to be ‘corrupt and content’. And that was 110 years ago!

At the time Philly was considered the worst of the worst of crooked American municipalities. However, anyone with an ‘I’ in their ‘Q’ is quite aware that we lost our we’re-number-one status with our Triple A bond rating eons ago. To New York, Chicago, half of New England, Illinois, California… As well as the ‘Dicks and Janes’ in Washington. Even the federal government – including, lately, the almighty IRS – has been out-ranking us in knowingly corrupting the privilege of power.

And our dishonesty is not just about chasing money.

Like that former South Carolina governor – who was, amazingly, just elected to Congress– who got ‘lost’ on the Appalachian Trail and ended up in Argentina with a mistress. Then, on the more popular front there was the forerunner in the LGBT movement with that married (no more) erstwhile governor in New Jersey who came out. And, of course, Schwarzenegger, that over muscled superhero, who apparently ‘came’ everywhere.

All I can say is that obviously it isn’t power that corrupts people. It’s people who corrupt power. The temptations to wrong are many; indeed, like dear ol’ Pappy chortled: They spring out of a corrupt nature.

No matter. Whichever way you circumcise it or embezzle it, it’s still damn astonishing.

And it ain’t no mere Republican or Democrat thing. We all be bad. Only difference seems to be is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt also.

In some ways it is absolutely astounding – especially the way we are all dancing in the bright sunlit day with our eyes wide open. And all about us the pillars and foundations of our communities don’t even bother to hide their dishonor.

In Philadelphia we’ve got this ‘legal’ DROP Fund that was legislated by a flatulent City Council that is so crooked that if any one of them swallowed a nail they’d all plop out a corkscrew. The DROP was intended only to keep the experienced policemen and firemen on the job past retirement eligibility. But every damn politician in town is immorally capitalizing on the Mack truck size loopholes they legislated into the program to personally enrich their own bank accounts…while robbing the city of its remaining school books.

And we – duh hoi polloi, us non-voting taxpayers — don’t seem disturbed about the crime our government representatives have enacted for themselves.

Duh?!…

The accomplice to the crime of corruption is frequently our own indifference. We don’t vote because we don’t think it matters.  Or it simply interferes with the T&A and football we kvetch about overpaying for on the bloody boob tube.

Even when I roar that if you don’t vote you get the government you deserve! If you don’t know who to vote for, ALWAYS vote against. In fact vote AGAINST the incumbent ALWAYS. Then he or she won’t be in office too long to steal more than he is supposed to.

Knock-knock!… You don’t need to visit the inmate population of a federal prison to know that all institutions are prone to corruption and the vices of their members.

Sooo?!…. Keep voting out the old and in with the new who we will vote out next time!

In Philly we are having the election primary for, among other things, City Controller.  That’s the office, supposedly, for the ‘most honest’ SOB in the city. He audits city government to insure that the various departments have been spending their budgets and public trust appropriately. It may lack the sizzle, but it is the ‘steak’ in the heart of honest government.

Over 20 years ago I ran this campaign for a guy who got elected and shook the monkey tree. And then exterminated the bodies. This time, there are three Democrats vying on ballot in a city so overwhelming Democrat that a Republican is merely another stuffed dinosaur in the Natural History Museum.

One of the candidates is the incumbent. Under his 8-year watch the City has continued its descent into Hell. Another is a guy who has been reported in the Press to be already offering all sorts of Last Hurrah underhanded backroom deals. That is even before he may be elected. And the third guy is a former Deputy City Solicitor who I have been supporting. He has been screaming to ‘Stop ALL the damn checks!’ At least until we can make sense of the money mess.

Hmm…

And the local press, in its inimical rhyme-less way, has endorsed duh-guy whose future has already been demonstrated by his devious past.

Go figure!

But what I really can’t figure is why the U.S. is so busy misspending out tax dollars to putatively establish voting democracies across the globe when we can’t get our own folks rallied enough to care about voting in the first country ever to be founded as a republic.

Indeed, like my ol’ Pappy snorted: G-d made us stoopid!

And self corrupting.

In fact, we are what we eat. And we have become complacent by the bullshit overfed us by the duplicitous folks who think ‘morals’ are merely those oversized paintings scrawled on building walls.

What we don’t need is more laws — even though that Roman senator Tacitus spouted 2,000 years ago that “in a state where corruption abounds laws must be very numerous.”

We’ve already got too many outlaws!

And, according to dear ol’ Pappy, we’ve also got too much religion. Or, at least, too much of what is conventionally practiced. He sniffed that instead of mitigating, it is exacerbating our pernicious descent.

Why?

Because religion bases our morality on obedience. And that is nothing more than voluntary slavery. Which, for the most part, corrupts the will. “And G-d knows man don’t need no more help to willingly find his way to corruption.”

Hmm…

And, of course, dear ol’ querulous Pappy always got to wondering why those virtuous religious puritans were more worried about prostitution than corruption.

“One may tempt the morals of an individual,” he said amidst those corn cob puffs. “But corruption endangers the morals of an entire country.”

Hmm…

And dats yDrewIS on dis penal colony…

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