In a world of racism, sexism, anti-Semitism and all hateful things, what inevitably seems to conquer all is…horniness. It ain’t happening in church. The most segregated time in America is the weekly hour of worship – to the very same Lord who made us all, great and small…

The first time I ‘slept’ (Slept? Who had time to sleep?!) with this woman in West Africa’s Ivory Coast  she turned to me and wondered in those scrumptious, breathy, French half-tones: “Am I your first black woman?”

I smiled devilishly while examining the details of her divine caramel pulchritude: “Could be,” I laughed, “You do look vaguely familiar…”

We’ve joked about this many times in the years hence. The fact was I was her first ‘white boy’. And a Jew on top of that. (Okay… I wasn’t always on top.) So she was getting a two-fer.

Isn’t it amazing? That in a world so full of perpetual racism, sexism, anti-Semitism and all the other hateful things, what inevitably seems to conquer all … the most powerful of all human emotions… is horniness.

Ahh….. there ain’t nothing like the ache of desire… In every living thing there is a longing for love… Or, as in my case, a deeply meaningful, overnight relationship.

In other words, when a man wants ‘sum’ does it really matter if it’s a sheep with dingleberries?


Obviously the incipience of summer’s fawning display of all that proud winter flesh is giving me an acute case of the moans. And I don’t care what flavor it comes in.

For me, racism and all that bigotry has never been ‘undead.’ Although I do carry a number of haunting battle scars, I appreciate that I may not be the norm. As my bawdy Mother still often chimes: “You’re a stranger’s boy, son!”

Hmm… And you wonder why I feel like a stranger in a stranger land.

Anyway, it’s no revelation that we all have cultural intolerances. But I’m just a simple-country-boy who figures that racism, or sexism, or anti-Semitism and a lot of other repulsive prejudices merely means that you hate blacks, whites, dikes or kikes more than you are supposed to.

And sometimes those vile predispositions get you doing monstrous things while misquoting verses that ain’t in no bible you be thumping on Sundays. And by the way, in case you haven’t noticed the pious oxymoron genuflecting in church beside you, then listen to this: The most segregated time in America is the Sunday hour of worship – to the very same G-d who made us all, great and small.

Hmm… I can only wonder why that be the way it is — all the way from the Mayflower to the country club.

To my dear ol’ bourbon sippin’ Pappy it amounted to little more than a snort and guffaw in exhaling one of his omnipotent puffs on his omniscient corn cob pipe: “Hey, if they don’t want me playing ‘round in their club house, I’ll gladly spend my money with whores who do.”

My dear ol’ Pappy had a way of seeing things clear into our tomorrows. For, with the fortunes and misfortunes of economics, everything changes. The picket fences of discrimination cannot hold back the inevitable hordes of progress. Look at the music, the sports, the entertainment and the technology business of the kids today. They don’t seem to notice the glass ceilings.

The up-ticking of assimilating and integrating sometimes even prompted Pappy to sniff: “Pretty soon we’re all gonna be tan and Catholic.”

Oy-vey!.. But of course!

Meanwhile, I must admit that some rather unenlightened folks do test my trigger finger. These are the relics of the twitching tails of dinosaurs. And admittedly there are times, just when I’m reckoning that man can’t get any dumber or stoopider, he descends even further to redeem himself.

For instance, in recent days we’ve had that petulant, once-promising golfer Sergio hooking and slicing his inane goof balls into Tiger Woods with the ‘fried chicken’ trash talk. No doubt because Woods, perhaps the greatest golfer of all time, has denied dim-wits like Sergio their chance for greatness. And Tiger putts-for-dough with all the great women too.

No wonder I’m horny…

At the same time, just across the river from me in South Jersey, a female school board member pleaded out loud for anyone who wasn’t Jewish to run for the school system’s governing body.


Also, in another nearby town a legislator worried too loudly about their being ‘any Hispanics’ in the house. And then, of course, there are the 26,000! sexual abuse cases “reported” in the Armed Services last year. And this includes sexual exploitation charges against the top military brass guy in charge of ceasing and desisting this sorted stuff!

But of course!

Stop the presses! I am simply shocked and dismayed. Men and women being men and women. Calling each other names and jumping each other’s bones.

We all know why this goes on. Some of it is simply horniness at work. But racism and sexism is a refuge for the ignorant to divide and destroy. They are possessed by the demonic need to feel superior. And in control. And, of course, people just love to hate. Mostly because it is easier to be stoopid than enlightened.

So what is there to do about any of this?

Not much, really.

Everything changes when folks are discontented enough to make changes. And economics continue to singe the landscape. The two most powerful forces on earth are money and women. Because man will do anything for them that he wouldn’t do for anything else.

Look, it’s no secret that human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion and knowledge.

So, to change behavior doesn’t require more laws. We’ve got too many bad edicts keeping too many bad lawyers in their venal, vapid business of passing bad paper.

In our heart of hearts we all know when we do wrong. That’s why we hide. And for those who don’t seem to get-it, all that is required is for good people to stand up and provide a humiliating kick in some cracker’s ass. That’s called providing some good old-fashion education.

For instance, a few years back, on the 19th hole of a golf course operated by a former great Eagles’ quarterback, a couple of big ol’ bigots got to drinking themselves dumb and dumber.  And soon they got to barking and braying the ‘N’ word. Suddenly a couple of toned-and-fit ‘N’ men were escorting them out. No doubt to enroll the wisdom-less-teeth morons in a free dental plan.

And as they departed I ambled along.

“Where you going, white boy?” one of the toner-men wondered.

“With you guys,” I replied in a polite but firm voice. “I figure when they’re done with you they’ll be getting to the Jews. And I just want to deliver some early news.”


But of course!

I’ve discovered and rediscovered in my global travels that I may not be able to change the world, but, like Capital Punishment, I can change one or two people at a time.

And isn’t that where all enlightenment begins?

With consequences. As in one for all and all for one!

For there is no better advice than a good scare…

But — and I’m sure you won’t forget — it is horniness that still gets us there.

And dats yDrewIS on dis penal colony…

This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s