I was conversing with a group of psychiatrists the other day when they all got around to nodding and smiling like a bunch of fraternity pranksters. They were giddy at the idea of adding more lithium to our water reservoir systems — that is, more of the mood altering ‘salt’ than already is naturally in our drinking water.
In fact, considering the present insanity of ISIS, Russia, Syria, the Palestinians, Turkey, sub Sahara Africa, Washington and most everywhere else, the inspiration went into overdose. They couldn’t halt their merry bantering at the seductively insidious scheme – even though it would probably put them out of a job by constraining us from doing what we know not what we do.
I mean, I had merely – perhaps a tad cavalierly — advocated for more sex, drugs and booze. You know, the basic stuff for the doo-fuses in the coliseum, and its future stadium idiots, to maintain their burping, farting, fornicating consumption machines in deluging our sewer pipes.
I was merely hoping to help take the ‘stiff’ edge off all that amok testosterone and dementia that has us pole-vaulting from one war to the next thorny bed of the neighbor’s tattooed wife.
But these psych-docs guys figured a bigger dose of the psychotropic drug lithium — which is medically administered in doses 1000 times higher than found in water to meliorate manic episodes of hyperactivity, poor judgment and aggression — might be just what the world really requires.
Hmm… no doubt we are all in need of a little mental recess.
And you know… short of bourbon, beer, baseball and broads, I think I like this.
Perhaps not as much as my recent pontification that wars should be fought by beating our armaments into unarmed battalions of sashaying Playboy Bunnies, dancing Chippendales and a co-ed infantry clad in little more than Speedos. It’s a slight twist on giving love one last shot.
Okay, I realize that if you gaze, with some inebriation, into the abyss long enough, the abyss will gaze back into you. But you’ve got to agree there are quite a few things that a simple hot bath and rubber ducky missiles just won’t cure.
So apparently since we obviously don’t know how the world works why don’t we cast our lot with an element on the Periodic Chart of Elements. It must be here for a perfectly obvious reason. I mean, docs and scientists don’t know or even pretend to understand why lithium works on our persistent bouts of mania and depression.
Which is purrrr-fick… You don’t know. I don’t know. We don’t know. They don’t know… So, what’s duh problem? If we don’t know why something works, isn’t that better than all the stuff we think we do know but just doesn’t work. And yet we do it anyway.
I realize that fear is the mother of morality. But fear, alone, obviously isn’t effective without supplemental doses of other stuff. Look at the redundancy and repetition of our wars. There is no war to end all wars.
In other words it ain’t what we don’t know that hurts us. It’s what we do know that just ain’t so.
Or something like that.
Now, you do know I am talking about lithium. Not litihum-6, whose only thermonuclear use is the hydrogen bomb. Nor the lithium-ion, the fundamental cell chemistry technology that enables electric cars.
But simply lithium, the naturally occurring element in our ground water. It’s not a molecule like most medications. It is something that is purely and plainly in nature. Much like the cannabis plant – only more basic and elemental. Although for many more of us these days, marijuana is being considered as much a basic ‘medicinal’ element as coffee – which I do subscribe to being capitalism’s and jihad’s secret weapon to keep the bullshit flowing.
For instance consider this: The Roman legions which camped beside lithium mines and fields always felt much better after their R&R. A study published in 1990 of 27 Texas counties with various lithium levels in their water found that the people whose water had the ‘least’ amount of lithium had significantly greater levels of suicide (40%), homicide and rape than the people whose water had the higher levels of lithium.
At the same time a Danish population study of more than a million subjects found that ‘lithium treatment was associated with reduction of the rate of dementia to the same level as that for the general population.’ And a Japanese study that looked at 18 municipalities with more than a million inhabitants over a 5 year period, concluded that those people with higher levels of lithium in their water supply had lower levels of ‘all cause’ mortality.
So, I ask again: What’s duh problem? The truth may be that there are no facts, only interpretations. Nevertheless, that shouldn’t stop us from dropping bombs — and start us dropping more lithium in the water.
After all, it is no secret that we ALL are crazy. We all have mental challenges. But if we’re all drinking from the same well at least it will improve all our moods.
I mean there’s nothing like a good mood to improve our listening, and seeing, and how we interact with one another. Look at chimpanzees. Those de-evolution critters typically, kiss and embrace after fights. They first make eye contact from a distance to see the mood of the others. Then they approach and kiss and embrace.
I don’t know what they’re drinking. But we all ought to drink it down. I mean, mood changes are human. And all of us have pretty serious mood swings. In fact, my father would take me to the playground and put me on mood swings.
Hmm… But apparently the docs had something in their musings. And obviously evidence is accumulating that relatively tiny doses of lithium can have beneficial effects.
I guess part of the problem is that because lithium is a salt found in groundwater pharmaceutical companies have little to gain from this ‘cheap, ubiquitous element.’
Perhaps it’s as Thomas Paine maintained: ‘What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly. It is dearness only that gives everything its value.’
And war ain’t cheap.
And dats yDrewIS on dis penal colony…