Will somebody please inform me who is in charge these days? Because I’m ready to follow Joan of Arc. At least women and children seem to accept that uncertainty is part of the taking charge process. Nobody claimed it isn’t hard to lead a cavalry charge — especially if you think you look funny on a horse.

As more than one disillusioned idealist has uttered: If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there’d be a shortage of sand.

But my trouble is finding out just who is in charge anymore of most anything. Because if I could I would publicly yank him or her across my knees, pull down their BVDs and spank the hell out of him… or her.

And I’m talking about a good, old-time whoopin’!

Because I just don’t care anymore if it isn’t politically correct. Or if they wail to the Department of Human Services. Or even to the stupid bozos who run the NFL. Because as my dear ol’ bourbon sippin’ Pappy used to exhale between those omnipotent puffs on his omniscient corn cob pipe: ‘Don’t find fault, find remedy!’

And obviously sparing the rod has resulted in a lot of spoiled a-holes pretending to be in charge. So I maintain that when you can’t make them see the light, make them feel the heat.

At least it’s one remedy – that is, one more than provided by the average voter who doesn’t seem to know who or what the hell he is voting for… if the idiot even votes at all!

For instance, I was perusing the Sunday papers and a couple of stories sent me racing for my elephant gun. They were mostly about our billions of dollars spent and misspent on our military with next to no one knowing what the heck was happening under their charge.

In one, Harvard law professor, Jack Goldsmith, a former special counsel to the Defense Department, said that when he testified before Congress last year, he was stunned. Key senators (both Democrats and Republicans), he said, lacked most any knowledge about U.S. military operations, such as drone strikes in Yemen, Somalia and Pakistan.

“It was remarkable how little the members of the Senate Armed Services Committee knew about where we were fighting and against whom,” Goldsmith said. “They don’t even know where it’s going on.”

A geography lesson, Senators: East is east! And West is San Francisco – even if you’re stoned in Colorado!

And this, for G-d’s sake, is supposed to be their job! It is what we elected them to do! We put them in this position to take charge. And NOT to NOT-KNOW what the hell is going on! Especially what is being over-charged to us taxpayers while our schools and bridges are falling down.

After all, I can do ‘nothing’ all by myself. I don’t need help to do nothing. And we don’t need to be spending hundreds of millions, if not billions, each year on Senators and Congressmen and political appointees to do nuttin’ but featherbed their re-election war chests to remain in government jobs they aren’t even doing.

But getting paid anyway.

And why is it that when I telephone one of these feather-bedding pillow fluffers am I always told that the Senator or Representative is in a meeting?

Once more, to quote dear ol’ Pappy: ‘People who enjoy meetings shouldn’t be in charge of anything!’

Right on! Big Daddy! Lead, follow or get duh heck outta my way!

I mean Congress and other ‘uncivil’ servants should still be reeling from the whuppin’ they took over the shoddy under-service our emotionally and physically malnourished vets were receiving at our Veterans’ Hospitals. Then there are still all the leftovers from Agent Orange nobody wanted to admit to for years. And, of course, there are all those vets suffering from Post Traumatic Stress.

And, of all things, there was the recent fence-climbing security breach by intruders who got further into the White House than many Republicans have gotten. And to tell you the truth, I don’t care whether you are a Republican or a Democrat. I just want someone to take charge of this mess. I don’t even care if you’re an alien from my mother’s side of the family. Or even Joan of Arc.

I mean, as far as I can tell the only difference between our two major political parties is that Democrats don’t beat their slaves.

In other words – to borrow the wit of a cynical scribe — Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.

Why does it take screaming headlines to remind these guys they aren’t doing the jobs they promised us that if elected they would do? Their job is to help lead us thru the wilderness — not to merely piss on the President, even if our imperial President doesn’t seem to understand how to mold a consensus.

Congress’ job is to know what the heck is going on. Under their management they are supposed to be doing right by all of us. Isn’t that why they wanted to go to Washington in the first place?

Hmm…

Or am I just being another Disillusioned Idealist – which is undoubtedly what my moniker’s first two initials stand for. My grown, estranged sons still think it stands for ‘Dumb Idiot!’

Meanwhile another story I read was about Robert O’Neill. He was the member of Seal Team Six who actually shot Osama bin Laden.

And what startled me about O’Neill’s story was that after he felt the need to leave the Navy after 16 years of service – a little more than 36 months short of the 20 years of service needed to officially retire – he said he received: “Nothing. No pension, no healthcare for his wife and kids, no protection for himself and his family.”

So, long before his motivational speaking career took off, he was left alone to wonder how he was going to feed his wife and kids not to mention pay for his and their medical care.

For it seems that in addition to having to pay hundreds of dollars a month for private insurance, he also had to pay an additional $120 a week for chiropractic treatments no doubt accrued during his ‘highly decorated’ military career of more than 400 combat missions in four different theaters of war.

Hmm…

No healthcare.

Isn’t that how the NCAA student-athlete law-suit got started last year at Northwestern University? Over medical bills? The collegiate athletes, who earn the university millions and millions of dollars a year, just initially wanted the university to continue providing rehab healthcare to those injured while playing for the school but were no longer medically covered by their alma mater after they graduated.

Hmm…

This college owes them, just like the country owes our vets a debt of gratitude. The down payment on that debt is making sure that we live up to President Lincoln’s charge: To care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow, and his orphan.

Obviously the people in charge of the fog of bureaucracy aren’t seeing things very clearly. To quote that Harvard Professor again: ‘They don’t know what’s going on.’ I mean, is it some CIA top secret to know the obvious: That if you tend to the little problems the big problems tend to take care of themselves?

To put it less obtusely: We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.

Which brings me to one other Sunday story that raised more than my hackles.

America’s top military leader, Army General Martin Dempsey, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, paid an unannounced visit to Iraq the other day. This was almost immediately after telling Congress that the U.S. would consider dispatching an additional ‘modest’ number of American forces to fight with Iraqi troops against the extremist Islamic State group.

That is more than the ‘modest’ number of troops and advisers we have already dispatched.

Hmm…

Once again, Congress should already know that the training of Iraqi military and security forces at a cost of billions of dollars has proved dismal. Especially in the face of the extremist ISIS group’s stunning summer offensive, when it captured most of northern and western Iraq, including the country’s second largest city, Mosul.

We already spent years shedding American blood in Iraq and billions to help them out. If the Congress knows this – as it should — then it should inform the General to cut out the ceremonial white tablecloth and white-paper meetings over there and bluntly tell the Iraqis that enough is enough.

Either they start fighting like their lives depend on it or we’ll do more than pull down their army-issued BVDs and spank the hell out of them. We’re not going to linger in another Vietnam or Afghanistan. We’ll just nuke them all.

Hmm…

It works for me.

Sometimes I think that maybe if more women and children were in charge we would get somewhere. I don’t know where… but somewhere. Because they seem to better understand that uncertainty is always part of the taking charge process. I mean even the teenager Joan of Arc understood that. For nobody needed to tell her that it’s hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.

And dats yDrewIS on dis penal colony…

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