Tag Archives: Afghanistan

Life is beautiful but people are crazy. It’s just the way we are. Of course I’m crazy, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. And that’s what Louie-duh-too-sane-lawyer was trying to explain to crazy-Ian…

Louie-duh-lawyer isn’t the only one over at the Twin Cigar Shoppe who is absolutely certain that Ian is insane — even for this planet. Which is why we dub him ‘the alien.’ Apparently Ian thinks mostly when he’s squatting on … Continue reading

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Today we live in the age of the refugee in exile. Those of us who leave our homes in the morning and expect to find them there when we return at night don’t really understand what the experience of a refugee is like. Nevertheless, to stop this horror we must inflict something even more horrible…

As a teenager my grandfather escaped conscription and a lifetime of servitude in the Tsar’s army by hiding in a big hand basket on a railroad freight car that brought him through Poland and Europe. Eventually he hopped a ship … Continue reading

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You want me to do what?!!! Damn!!! My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror. But I am just an old fashioned kind of guy. Skip the unusual and just give me a shot of the ordinary… please!

Years back this shapely law student in her late 20s, who had retired from competitive gymnastics, had a ‘demand’ list of oral and physical sexual requirements that men must perform. Otherwise she simply wouldn’t have sex with you. And I … Continue reading

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Will somebody please inform me who is in charge these days? Because I’m ready to follow Joan of Arc. At least women and children seem to accept that uncertainty is part of the taking charge process. Nobody claimed it isn’t hard to lead a cavalry charge — especially if you think you look funny on a horse.

As more than one disillusioned idealist has uttered: If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there’d be a shortage of sand. But my trouble is finding out just who is in charge … Continue reading

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Since we already know that everybody lies, why do journalists risk their lives to tell us what we already know? Because that’s what we do. And we’d do it even if we weren’t getting paid to tell you that you are stoopid, ignorant and foolish. Because it is so much fun, even after the deadline…

The question being shrilly postured and posed today in the horrendous wake of yet two more journalists being beheaded is: Why do reporters take such risks? And I have a simple answer: Because everybody lies. Everybody. It is almost failsafe … Continue reading

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Waging war is much easier than keeping the peace… And in Afghanistan, where for thousands of years empires went to die, no one understood their past, nor listened to what they wanted for future peace… Or so I was told by a young vet about to be committed to the war of marriage…

At first they seemed like just three ordinary young guys when they ambled into the Twin Smoke Shoppe in South Philadelphia the other night. Then again most people seem run-of-the-mill at first. Their haircuts were cropped neat and tidy — … Continue reading

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To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stoopid, you must also be well-mannered. And in Israel, in order to be a realist you must believe in miracles. So, how many more sons must die before the Israelis and Palestinians realize nobody wants them — and that’s why they should want each other.

I have buried a younger brother. And scores of friends and relatives. A father. Numerous enemies. And lots of secrets. And undoubtedly the sad day will all-too-soon arrive to bury my fragile younger son who miraculously has reached the age … Continue reading

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Judgment usually comes from experience. And experience often comes from bad judgment. The real war is not between East and West – it is between intelligent and stoopid people. Circumstances cause us to act the way we do. Keep that in mind before stupidly pre-judging the actions of POW Bergdahl…

A law professor friend once instructed me in the chicanery of legal sophistry this way: If you have the law on your side, pound the law; if the facts are on your side pound the facts; but if neither are … Continue reading

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I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally… even equal parts of myself. The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. You could literally be perfect and people would still hate you, for being perfect. And this is going to be a perfectly terrible Mother’s Day in Nigeria. And where is our outrage?!

Last week many of the good folks of the U-S-of-A, with a collective IQ lower than the wattage produced by a gerbil spinning its running-wheel, were outraged… Outraged!… about an NBA basketball owner referring to black people as black people. … Continue reading

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I am afraid we must make the world honest before we can honestly say to our children that honesty is the best policy… The surest way to remain poor is to be an honest man. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest…

A blind friend recently told me — only half jokingly — that he has never seen an honest man. Hmm… Come to think of it, neither have I. At least not one I could trust. And the trouble is you … Continue reading

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