Tag Archives: alimony

Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then the worms eat you. Just be grateful it happens in that order. Hmm… Many folks long for immortality when they don’t even know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. Life is for the living; but the dead always live with us. So let’s talk about Joan and me…

I don’t know why Joan and I never quite clicked. Perhaps because I firmly subscribe there is absolutely nothing that is above humorous reproach. Yet her humorless face always harbored a sangfroid that seemed above reproach. In other words, I … Continue reading

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You are what you eat. So I am fast, cheap and easy. But today the invective ‘Eat shit and die’ is being medically prescribed as ‘Eat shit and live.’ The Bedouins always knew of poop’s curative powers. So have animals. So what took us so long? To observe without reflecting is like eating without digesting…

Periodically, when I would go ballistic with one of my rants, my dear Mother, who still loves to be called ‘dear’, would pause and search my wild hazel eyes. Then after a moment or two she would exhale behind an … Continue reading

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There are no birthdays in the Bible. And in modern times there is no cure for the common birthday…but there is a temporary cure for flaccid aging men. Unfortunately my pill dropped somewhere on the restaurant’s carpeted floor. And there I was screaming to fellow diners: Don’t anybody move!…

Towards the end of my marvelous birthday repast Saturday nite on the storied Moshulu, a 4-masted 110-year-old converted restaurant ship moored along Philadelphia’s never-to-be-completed Delaware River renaissance, I tried to sneak my one-and-only Viagra pill… but dropped it. But of … Continue reading

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Giving money and power to the government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. And this one time I’d rather give it to the lawyers. Who cares if they kill themselves? It’s time to start suing the Feds, State and local…

I was reading an editorial in a Philadelphia newspaper the other day that was absolutely bodacious. If not audacious! A few short years ago this would have been considered mendacious… Hell…downright heresy! The Daily News was blatantly suggesting that we … Continue reading

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Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery. You see how simple the law should be — for animal, mineral or vegetable…

When somebody I barely know asks – especially when it sounds like a regal, imperious demand — what do I do, I often reply, quite earnestly: I sell white women in Africa… And that, as they say, is often the … Continue reading

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I met this British woman with a Ph.D. in pain biology. I told her my pain moved away a couple years ago. She said it could return. That caused me pain. So I told her how the government will exploit her research. Now she’s in pain.

Recently I heard two women going on and on about how men don’t seem to know what pain really is unless they have suffered the pain of childbirth, cramps…and a bikini wax. At that I asked if either of them … Continue reading

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Tipping makes no sense: Why do we tip Pierre $20 for bringing a $100 steak at night, but only tip Gertrude $2 for delivering a $10 plate of eggs in the morning? They’re performing the same services, aren’t they?

I never really mind bad service in a restaurant. It makes me feel much better about not leaving a tip. I know I am standing in a long viral line to spew some angst here, but I do have issues … Continue reading

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