Tag Archives: baseball

When you get older you don’t stop doing stupid things… you just do them slower. Actually I always thought growing older would take longer. After all, adults may be obsolete children, but you are never too old to grow younger – especially when you go to pay for a beer and a dog at a baseball game…

Between one of the baseball innings the other night, Gary, who I hadn’t seen in years and who enjoyed reminding me that he is 69, leaned across the seat vacated between us and admired out loud how I was still … Continue reading

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There are two things people want more than sex and money — recognition and praise. That’s why everybody’s running for President. However, if you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughed, was it a joke? And that’s why I’m voting for the Donald…

During the last few days I was reading some newspaper stories that reminded me that life is pretty funny when you realize how absurd it can be. Like, about the guy from Pennsylvania seeking to have sex with a horse … Continue reading

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An old friend is the best mirror. And old friends know I am not sorry for who I am… or about most anything. In fact, the most I can do is wholeheartedly apologize for not being sorry at all. Therefore, as Dan put it: If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late…

Ever since Dan and I first met in West Africa we quickly became old friends. And you know, it takes a long time to grow an old friend. In the case of Dan Goldberg, who four decades back founded ‘For … Continue reading

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When I am in a bad mood I don’t listen. And all of us have pretty serious mood swings. Fear may be the mother of morality. But evidence is accumulating that the relatively tiny doses of lithium in our ground water does improve our moods. So let’s add some more…

I was conversing with a group of psychiatrists the other day when they all got around to nodding and smiling like a bunch of fraternity pranksters. They were giddy at the idea of adding more lithium to our water reservoir … Continue reading

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Judgment usually comes from experience. And experience often comes from bad judgment. The real war is not between East and West – it is between intelligent and stoopid people. Circumstances cause us to act the way we do. Keep that in mind before stupidly pre-judging the actions of POW Bergdahl…

A law professor friend once instructed me in the chicanery of legal sophistry this way: If you have the law on your side, pound the law; if the facts are on your side pound the facts; but if neither are … Continue reading

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If baseball is a lot like life it is because life is more about losing than winning. Baseball was made for kids, but grown-ups screwed it up to the absurd point where we now must pay even to watch it in our living rooms…oy-vey-iz-mir! Did that angry mother just bite the tip of my finger off?!!

They warned me. A few leap years back, down my overly traveled back roads, I had decided to venture far out into the vast suburban Prozac territory. I was seeking to witness a couple of former school chums umpire their … Continue reading

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For a business to be great it must have a conscience. Hmm… So that’s what happened to American ‘bidness.’ Yet America wasn’t founded so we could all be better. It was so we could all be anything we damn pleased. And our government is damned pleased to be organized crime…

You know you had a great time last night when, after you sobered up, you reckon you need to change your name, change your job and change your address. Now that’s what I call a party! Like my erstwhile annual … Continue reading

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