Tag Archives: Buffalo

If a man watches 3 football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. No one in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. And meanwhile, I am having a breakdown…

I am not absolutely certain, but I think I am having another breakdown… which I am sure doesn’t come as a surprise to any of my exes. Undoubtedly, they figure I broke down years back – especially after I tied … Continue reading

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Do you think the historic climate change agreement adopted in Paris is going to save us from ISIS? Sometimes I wish that I was the weather, you’d bring me up in conversation forever. And when it snowed, I’d be the talk of the day…

Sooo…. This talkative, buxom, middle-aged woman seated next to me at the banquet table just reached over and started fondling the butterfly and cock-fighting pins I regularly garnish on my chest. She took her time examining, fingering each of the … Continue reading

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I often seem to confuse the ritual of baptism with waterboarding. I do know that one of them ‘absolutely’ gets the truth out of you… Meanwhile, back in the Sea of Galilee some American congressmen were swimming naked….

I’m glad I am a man who once danced naked with a woman in the Mediterranean Sea at midnight. We were inebriated by all those magical potions indulgent lovers embrace under candlelit stars. And to this very day, even with … Continue reading

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All creatures great and small, the good lord made them all – And we kill them. At dawn we march forth to kill our food, our trees and even our good earth. That’s why we be on top of the food chain…until there is nothing else to kill…

Whenever I read that a pet boa constrictor has swallowed a young toddler of his host family I always think to myself: Well, that makes sense…Idiots. Whenever I read how the owner of a couple of pit bulls is surprised … Continue reading

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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 55?….Your Honor! Unfortunately that’s no joke in too many of our courtrooms. We need a better standard of lawyer to pick for our judges…

Tom Fitzpatrick most definitely isn’t Irish. Trouble is, many times people don’t believe who he says he is…or isn’t. Like a few months back he wore a big round campaign button, on one of his fashionable suit lapels. It declared: … Continue reading

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Has anyone seen progress? We all are looking for it. But no one knows what it really tastes like. Is it considered progress if a cannibal uses a knife and fork?…

Let me ask you something: Is it considered progress if a cannibal uses a knife and fork? Well?… Perhaps, for professional courtesy, I should define the cannibal about whom I am speaking. It is someone who eats you ‘after’ you … Continue reading

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The price of frozen yogurt is just another example of the farce of supply and demand. Consider this: Two of its most important ingredients are air and water

Let me ask you something: if you had your choice for lunch of eating frozen yogurt, salad or that fetching woman in the next cubicle, what would you pick? Forget about it. No woman – especially all the exes and … Continue reading

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