Tag Archives: California

We all love a great party. But afterwards we are still stuck with cleaning up the mess. Just like the GOP and Democrats, and now the Olympics, have been throwing us some grand par-tees! But tomorrow we’re still stuck with yesterday’s mess. Think about that when you cast your ballots in November…

When I was a columnist in North Carolina every New Year’s Eve I would throw a par-tee! My house and back yard became known far and wide for this and a spring bash. Sex, drugs and rock and roll. Food, … Continue reading

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Hell, this is enough to make me want to put a bar in the back of my car and drive myself to drink. For today I am an orphan. Tomorrow I’ll still be an S-O-B. But today I am going to drink into tomorrow and think about how the best woman I ever knew is now only in my yesterdays…

I immediately knew why my brother-duh-heart-doc was calling from his vacation trip in St. Petersburg, Russia… just as my cousin knew why I was calling her cell phone in the early morning. And why my cousin Bob surprisingly called me … Continue reading

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It’s impossible to get a conversation going these days. Everybody talks too much… and says too little. The Paris climate talks were a waste of oxygen. Everybody’s accusing The Donald of using up all the oxygen in the room. And meanwhile we have yet to deprive the ‘terrorists’ of their oxygen. It’s time to take a breather – grab your oxygen masks…

Back long before puberty and even a few years before I began dousing my breakfast coffee with bourbon I used to listen as the morning news reports interrupted the popular music playing on our small town local radio station. And … Continue reading

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My 94-year-old Mother and I had a heart to bad heart talk over the holidays. And she still thinks I’m an SOB. And I couldn’t agree more…

My 94-year-old mother had a heart attack for the holiday season. And I got blamed for it. I mean I usually am held responsible for stuff like that. I would say it’s because I am Jewish. But then again, I … Continue reading

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The human race is a race of cowards. Including me. When under attack years back in W. Africa I was instructed: ‘Kill them or kill yourself. Because if captured you will suffer ingloriously.’ Hmm… Fortunately I am a poor shot. Or is my brain just too small to hit? And then there was Brittany Maynard…

There’s a long-forgotten joke about this convicted killer. He (pick your least- favorite, dim-witted ethnic) was given a choice of execution by the administering judge. He could die in the electric chair, gas chamber, by hanging… or, by being injected … Continue reading

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Our crooks are elected by the vast majority who don’t vote. We have closed our eyes to the public corruption of our democracy. We don’t need more laws! We need less stoopid people to see that corruption is nature’s way of restoring our faith in democracy…

“You can’t blame Eve,” exhaled my dear ol’ bourbon sippin’ Pappy between one of those omnipotent puffs on his omniscient corncob pipes. “She may have made man weak between the knees. But it was G-d who made man stoopid between … Continue reading

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Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak. It’s almost incongruous. Maybe that’s why you can’t believe the stupid things we all say…But that’s why G-d made bourbon…Isn’t it?

Only our car headlights enabled us to carve our way around the guardrail-less, mountain road in western North Carolina. It was a starry-starry night long remembered in the backward smiles of my youthful stoopidity. We were weaving ‘down-the-road-just-a-piece’ as our … Continue reading

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Letting people out of jails or hospitals is a good thing…that is as long as the former resident has been given a memento to remind him there are consequences for the past, present and what’s-to-come. I was trying to explain that to the hospital when they told me they were releasing Pete…

A few years back, when a recently elected Philadelphia Judge was then an Assistant District Attorney, he called and left a message on my answering machine: “Have you ever considered moving?” he queried as more of a recommendation rather than … Continue reading

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The kid asked: How old is G-d? Some said to Google it. And I wanted to spank them black and bruised. So, listen up: Data ain’t information. Info ain’t knowledge. Knowledge ain’t understanding. Understanding ain’t wisdom… And may G-d grant me the serenity to recognize the difference…

At a party the other afternoon at a friend’s big stone house in an arriviste Philadelphia suburb, one of the impudent tykes, with an overstuffed mouth, popped an imposing question. The dour youth — undoubtedly a future Wall Street ‘perp’ … Continue reading

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This is a love story without a happy ending. Like most love stories. Except the one about the Jewish American Prince who asked the Jewish American Princess to marry him. She said no. And he lived happily ever after…

    It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. Then again, when do fantasies ever happen the way your mind designs them late in the night? Or, when the midday sun blinds you from recognizing the furniture truck speeding down … Continue reading

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