Tag Archives: cancer

A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. But the trouble is most of us are too fat to run. These days most everything we put into our mouths makes us fat. And what comes out of our mouths is fatuous. Indeed, what we eat in private shows in public…

I can honestly say that I have never told a woman that she is ‘fat, ugly, dumb and stupid’ – even if she was sooo fat and ugly that when she threw a boomerang it refused to come back. However, … Continue reading

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Ours is a government of checks and balances — the crooked businessmen make out checks, and the politicians and other compromised officials improve their bank balances. Hmm… What this country needs is more unemployed politicians. Or perhaps more deaths by firing squads…

In the 40 year old movie Chinatown the crusty evil character (played by the celebrated director John Huston) who robbed and pillaged and murdered his way to fortune — not to mention fathered another daughter by raping his own daughter … Continue reading

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Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then the worms eat you. Just be grateful it happens in that order. Hmm… Many folks long for immortality when they don’t even know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. Life is for the living; but the dead always live with us. So let’s talk about Joan and me…

I don’t know why Joan and I never quite clicked. Perhaps because I firmly subscribe there is absolutely nothing that is above humorous reproach. Yet her humorless face always harbored a sangfroid that seemed above reproach. In other words, I … Continue reading

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You are what you eat. So I am fast, cheap and easy. But today the invective ‘Eat shit and die’ is being medically prescribed as ‘Eat shit and live.’ The Bedouins always knew of poop’s curative powers. So have animals. So what took us so long? To observe without reflecting is like eating without digesting…

Periodically, when I would go ballistic with one of my rants, my dear Mother, who still loves to be called ‘dear’, would pause and search my wild hazel eyes. Then after a moment or two she would exhale behind an … Continue reading

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Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up… for that we’ve got Viagra. Which proves some laws are not made by nature – but by man. So why doesn’t the price of coffee and cigars ever come down?…

Hmm… Last Sunday I made a discovery: That the price of coffee has nothing to do with the laws of physics. And neither does the price of a cigar – premium or not. That doesn’t make me a genius. However, … Continue reading

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Organized institutions from government to churches to unions to corporations to sports to entertainment to medicine, law, et al, seem to operate only to terrify and enslave us in order to monopolize power and profit… Like hospital gowns, they only make you think you are being covered.

Yesterday my cardiologist was both giving me hell while also being absolutely dumbfounded by my test results. The curly-haired vixen wagged something that looked like a rectal thermometer. She excoriated about my cigar smoking, bourbon drinking and my unnatural diet … Continue reading

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Ekatarina thought I wanted to have an affair with her when I said I wanted her to help me meet a naughty Russian girl. Indeed, it’s a strange world of language when skating on thin ice will get you into hot water…

Ekatarina is getting to be a pain in the derriere. Now I already know I am. But I am an acquired taste. In fact, when some folks notify me I am being a pain in the butt I tell them: … Continue reading

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