Tag Archives: Chinese

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house…Hmm…Maybe it also means if you don’t change direction you may end up where you are heading…

I have decided – perhaps astutely, for a rare moment — not to become a matador. Hmm… This red-cape-dropping revelation is not only because — like journalists and lawyers — there are just too many toreros for too few swordy-coup-de-gras … Continue reading

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Linda was kicked out of her church. Petraeus was kicked down the road. Both for the same old tales of love and glory. In the end one man’s tale is nothing more than another woman’s tail. And we fools are left to wonder: What was it all for?

Over 50 years and 50 pounds ago she must have been a woman who spoke only one language — body. Put the pup in a man’s tent. And no one ever ‘squandered’ the time ‘sleeping’ with her. But eventually yearning … Continue reading

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Most folks live to have resumès, instead of having resumès because they lived…Most resumès ain’t nothing but lies that nobody bothers to read anymore — and not just because there ain’t no jobs…And then along came not-quite-5-year-old Andrew who asked me to help write his resumè…Oy-vey-iz-mir!

I think on my resumè, which I have never finished nor submitted anywhere, it still says that I can juggle while driving my ex-wives mad; am working on a cure for mental halitosis and teenagers; am totally politically-incorrect and a … Continue reading

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Just like Anthony, a man may not know he is a fool…unless he’s got a wife to remind him not to fall in love with his latest piece of high tech equipment. For one thing: You can’t sleep with it.

Anthony Renzulli, the zany proprietor of “The best cigar shop in South Philadelphia,” knew he’d have to answer to his wife, Marie, for his latest purchase. And answering to that fiery blaze of bodacious pulchritude, even when she isn’t armed … Continue reading

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What do we do about Murdoch and his ersatz news organization? We hire him to do bigger, better and cheaper what our government buffoons can barely do at all. Remember, he is still the enemy of our enemy…

Listen: It’s always easier to fix the blame than fix the problem. So now that we’ve blamed Murdoch, what’s to be done about the problem? Precisely the same thing we do with hackers that get inside corporate and government main … Continue reading

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My brother knew how to rescue me from a far too long hospital stay. President Obama, too, must learn how to twist arms, break bones and take compromising photos. Politics is no game for a gentleman…

It wasn’t the first time. And it definitely wasn’t the last time. But it was one of those times that my wife tried to kill me. This time I ended up in the hospital for a rather extended time. I … Continue reading

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Why would you punch a parking meter guy for doing his job when it is the politicians we should be punching? You know, those dim wits in City Hall and the State House who don’t know what they are doing, and do it very well.

The truck driver shoved Kenny hard in the back, severely straining the vertebrae in his neck. When Kenny turned around, the angry big guy punched Kenny right in the nose, snapping the bloody skin at the bridge. At that Kenny … Continue reading

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