Tag Archives: CIA

There are two things people want more than sex and money — recognition and praise. That’s why everybody’s running for President. However, if you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughed, was it a joke? And that’s why I’m voting for the Donald…

During the last few days I was reading some newspaper stories that reminded me that life is pretty funny when you realize how absurd it can be. Like, about the guy from Pennsylvania seeking to have sex with a horse … Continue reading

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Potty training is supposed to happen at home. So why is the government, the police, our lawyers and our courts still shitting on us in public? If everybody forgets to tell the truth what is the purpose of the police and witnesses. And if the courts forget its purpose is to reform as well as punish, then why this charade? Obviously we need to spill blood… because sad people remember the laws of G-d and man more than happy ones…

The other Thursday I decided to have a real-old-fashion Thanksgiving celebration — like the Pilgrims and the Indians. So I prepared a feast for my neighbors and friends. We ate. We toasted. We consummated with a few squaws. And then … Continue reading

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Will somebody please inform me who is in charge these days? Because I’m ready to follow Joan of Arc. At least women and children seem to accept that uncertainty is part of the taking charge process. Nobody claimed it isn’t hard to lead a cavalry charge — especially if you think you look funny on a horse.

As more than one disillusioned idealist has uttered: If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there’d be a shortage of sand. But my trouble is finding out just who is in charge … Continue reading

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Giving money and power to the government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. And this one time I’d rather give it to the lawyers. Who cares if they kill themselves? It’s time to start suing the Feds, State and local…

I was reading an editorial in a Philadelphia newspaper the other day that was absolutely bodacious. If not audacious! A few short years ago this would have been considered mendacious… Hell…downright heresy! The Daily News was blatantly suggesting that we … Continue reading

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Linda was kicked out of her church. Petraeus was kicked down the road. Both for the same old tales of love and glory. In the end one man’s tale is nothing more than another woman’s tail. And we fools are left to wonder: What was it all for?

Over 50 years and 50 pounds ago she must have been a woman who spoke only one language — body. Put the pup in a man’s tent. And no one ever ‘squandered’ the time ‘sleeping’ with her. But eventually yearning … Continue reading

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What do we do about Murdoch and his ersatz news organization? We hire him to do bigger, better and cheaper what our government buffoons can barely do at all. Remember, he is still the enemy of our enemy…

Listen: It’s always easier to fix the blame than fix the problem. So now that we’ve blamed Murdoch, what’s to be done about the problem? Precisely the same thing we do with hackers that get inside corporate and government main … Continue reading

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Anyone who has been married with kids knows that we all torture one another. It comes naturally. Hell, just drive down the highway without your finger talking.

When I was growing up, there were two things that were unpopular in my house: One was me. The other was my trumpet. And, by golly, I may not have been any Harry James, or Satchmo or even Al Hirt. … Continue reading

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