Tag Archives: devil

Life is beautiful but people are crazy. It’s just the way we are. Of course I’m crazy, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. And that’s what Louie-duh-too-sane-lawyer was trying to explain to crazy-Ian…

Louie-duh-lawyer isn’t the only one over at the Twin Cigar Shoppe who is absolutely certain that Ian is insane — even for this planet. Which is why we dub him ‘the alien.’ Apparently Ian thinks mostly when he’s squatting on … Continue reading

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You can’t do anything about the wind, but you can adjust your sails. Fear is the static that prevents me from hearing myself. Composure is swallowing my panic 5 minutes longer than everybody else. And then there was an explosion in the subway… and everybody went into panic mode.

So there I was last Sunday. Waiting, eternally as usual, for my streetcar transfer in the subway underground. Beneath Philadelphia’s City Hall. Trying to go to church to pray. Because when your week has been the hell your demons set … Continue reading

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You don’t learn to walk by following the rules. And if you obey all the rules you miss all the fun. But rules exist in every culture in history. Even those governing defecation. After all what is toilet training if not the first attempt to turn a child into an acceptable member of society?

A few years back, while watching the Philadelphia Phillies in the October baseball playoffs with some old college chums, we got to conversing with a group of younger women at the bar. And it turned out they had graduated from … Continue reading

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G-d couldn’t be everywhere, so he made mothers…My mother has had a great deal of trouble with me. I think she’s enjoyed it even though she barks that having me as a son makes her wish she could go back to being a virgin…

My 92-year-old Mama was earnestly informing me the other day that she never had morning sickness until after I was born. This is the very same Big Mama who regularly dismisses my simple-minded humor as insensitive, tactless and downright ludicrous. … Continue reading

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I can’t help myself: I am cursing. I am stoned. I am armed. And I am heading off to Washington. And no one can stop me because I am perfectly legal

What I want to obtain from my doctor is a written medical opinion which stipulates I have been diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome. Therefore, under the American Disability Act, I simply can’t help myself  — for cursing. At everything. At anytime. … Continue reading

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