Tag Archives: District Attorney

It’s been no secret for centuries that ‘the rich get divorced, and the poor get ethics.’ In other words, the law and opportunities aren’t the same for everybody. Indeed there is larceny in all our hearts. But some hearts steal more. And the rest of us get a lot less…

The other day at the Twin Smoke Shoppe in South Philly where I puff cigars daily, Ralph got to talking about the time years back he used the $100 ‘given’ him to get poked with a prostitute… and instead bought … Continue reading

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Ours is a government of checks and balances — the crooked businessmen make out checks, and the politicians and other compromised officials improve their bank balances. Hmm… What this country needs is more unemployed politicians. Or perhaps more deaths by firing squads…

In the 40 year old movie Chinatown the crusty evil character (played by the celebrated director John Huston) who robbed and pillaged and murdered his way to fortune — not to mention fathered another daughter by raping his own daughter … Continue reading

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A ‘real patriot’ is the idiot who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. The trouble is that doofus doesn’t pay his fines out-of-pocket, but out of a corporate kitty. Meanwhile, for guys like Frankie the system issues a warrant for his arrest… for a 21-year-old parking ticket!

When I first moved to Philadelphia from North Carolina years back to take a coveted position with a newspaper that no longer exists, my biggest adjustment to big city life was parking tickets. With the first one I actually thought … Continue reading

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Children begin by loving their parents; then they judge them; rarely do they forgive them… There is no cure for the common birthday. And Zakki’s miraculous 21st was anything but common. Which proves the more b-days you have, the longer you live. And the longer you have to forgive your parents…

I have always maintained – even long before my younger son Zakki was born with just about every critical malady to overtax the frontiers of medical science — that the more birthdays you have the longer you live. And miraculously … Continue reading

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A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. The courts are so backed up that one lawyer has sued them. While we needed to clean up our medical bizness we also need to kick ass and quit chewing gum with the overpriced, time consuming ‘ill – legal’ system…

In Mike’s angry, white-knuckled fist was a crumpled $75 citation he had received from the City. It was for a ‘false police alarm’ at his telephone shop on Ninth Street in the heart of South Philadelphia’s celebrated Italian Market. Only … Continue reading

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Our crooks are elected by the vast majority who don’t vote. We have closed our eyes to the public corruption of our democracy. We don’t need more laws! We need less stoopid people to see that corruption is nature’s way of restoring our faith in democracy…

“You can’t blame Eve,” exhaled my dear ol’ bourbon sippin’ Pappy between one of those omnipotent puffs on his omniscient corncob pipes. “She may have made man weak between the knees. But it was G-d who made man stoopid between … Continue reading

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Giving money and power to the government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. And this one time I’d rather give it to the lawyers. Who cares if they kill themselves? It’s time to start suing the Feds, State and local…

I was reading an editorial in a Philadelphia newspaper the other day that was absolutely bodacious. If not audacious! A few short years ago this would have been considered mendacious… Hell…downright heresy! The Daily News was blatantly suggesting that we … Continue reading

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After nearly 90 days our uncivil government hasn’t managed to replace my stolen passport. Indeed government and hell is other people. And we get the government we deserve — for duh people…by duh people…and of duh (in)civil servants…

I deserve a Purple Heart medal. I have been mortally wounded in combat…Please, someone call a Medic. The woman I was passed along to was the supervisor – the head, the chief, the authority in charge, she said, of ‘the … Continue reading

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Folks who don’t know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election. Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for…

After I tried, and failed twice, to cast my vote in my new polling place in Pennsylvania’s Primary Election the other Tuesday, I can only tell you this: I am so glad to have returned to drinking heavily again. Because … Continue reading

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If you think you want to live forever, try spending a night with my ex-wife. Otherwise, listen to my Mother: Without your health, it all gets too humiliating…

The other night on the phone I teased my 91-year-old mother that she was going to live forever… And so far so good, eh? I could practically hear my mother calculating through her rich, long-ago- premature, silver hair. Finally she … Continue reading

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