Tag Archives: District Attorney

After nearly 90 days our uncivil government hasn’t managed to replace my stolen passport. Indeed government and hell is other people. And we get the government we deserve — for duh people…by duh people…and of duh (in)civil servants…

I deserve a Purple Heart medal. I have been mortally wounded in combat…Please, someone call a Medic. The woman I was passed along to was the supervisor – the head, the chief, the authority in charge, she said, of ‘the … Continue reading

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Folks who don’t know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election. Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for…

After I tried, and failed twice, to cast my vote in my new polling place in Pennsylvania’s Primary Election the other Tuesday, I can only tell you this: I am so glad to have returned to drinking heavily again. Because … Continue reading

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If you think you want to live forever, try spending a night with my ex-wife. Otherwise, listen to my Mother: Without your health, it all gets too humiliating…

The other night on the phone I teased my 91-year-old mother that she was going to live forever… And so far so good, eh? I could practically hear my mother calculating through her rich, long-ago- premature, silver hair. Finally she … Continue reading

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He slapped me for what I had written about that distressing haircut his beautiful biz partner gave me. And all I could think was: He may look like an idiot and act like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you – he really is an idiot.

Apparently, I have enemies I have never actually met. Like the other night when one of them accosted me during a karaoke night in a tavern and slapped me. And I wasn’t even singing. At first I thought it must … Continue reading

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When a judge acts stoopid, speaks stoopid, thinks out-loud stoopid and be stoopid…why do we stupidly keep re-electing her (or him)?

If I stand before one more judge who wags her finger to excoriate me about ignorance of the law I swear my next column will be written from Philadelphia’s Graterford Prison. I was appearing before this non-virtual-reality “Judge Judy” at … Continue reading

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