Tag Archives: fat

A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. But the trouble is most of us are too fat to run. These days most everything we put into our mouths makes us fat. And what comes out of our mouths is fatuous. Indeed, what we eat in private shows in public…

I can honestly say that I have never told a woman that she is ‘fat, ugly, dumb and stupid’ – even if she was sooo fat and ugly that when she threw a boomerang it refused to come back. However, … Continue reading

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Being on steroids makes you manic. Being in bed too long makes me horny. And I’ve been in bed on steroids for 10 days. So I am bloody nuclear! And here is what I figured out to do to save ourselves… and America: Maybe I ought to run for President — like just about everybody else. So pray for me…

Back a few too many decades ago when I was about four, I lay dying in a hospital bed in a small mill town. For weeks. The docs had absolutely no idea what was wrong. Nevertheless, they did what they … Continue reading

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Obviously I’m not the world’s most handsome man… I’m the world’s second most handsome man! And all I can say is that G-d must love ugly people…because he made so many of us. Fortunately I have good-looking kids…thank goodness my ex-wife cheated on me…

My recent and ongoing weekend warrior was asking me the other day why I think she and I have been hitting it off so well. That’s a euphemism for: What do you like about me? And to respond to something … Continue reading

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