Tag Archives: football

News Flash: The good wolf and the evil wolf engaged in a mortal battle to the death. Day and night they ripped and tore at each other’s flesh. Hmm… This is not a fake news story. Just like Trump is President and you’re not… Soooo, guess who won?

Maybe it didn’t quite happen that way… But this is just the way I remember it. During a beer break from the storm of Trump’s denials — of any Russian connections, as well as everybody but Trump’s denial of any … Continue reading

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A rich friend won’t report his wife’s stolen credit cards because the thief spends less than she does… I don’t worry about someone stealing my identity because no one wants to be me… Prometheus’ stealing fire is viewed as the foundation of all of man’s technologies. And then there was this marijuana cartel who wanted me to fly for them… for a steal!

I have trouble with stealing. Even though in yesterday’s, today’s and no doubt tomorrow’s world lying, stealing and cheating are pretty much common place. And I don’t wanna talk about my last ex-wife. Sheesh. She even stole my bad ideas, … Continue reading

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If a man watches 3 football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. No one in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. And meanwhile, I am having a breakdown…

I am not absolutely certain, but I think I am having another breakdown… which I am sure doesn’t come as a surprise to any of my exes. Undoubtedly, they figure I broke down years back – especially after I tied … Continue reading

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An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises. And promises are like crying babies in a theater: They should be carried out at once. For today is the tomorrow we weren’t promised yesterday. And if you don’t perform and vote I promise to whup you…

I don’t ever recall my dear ol’ bourbon sippin’ Pappy telling me, just before he issued one of his many belt ‘whuppings,’ that ‘this is going to hurt me a whole lot worse than it’s going to hurt you.’ Uh-uh. … Continue reading

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It’s impossible to get a conversation going these days. Everybody talks too much… and says too little. The Paris climate talks were a waste of oxygen. Everybody’s accusing The Donald of using up all the oxygen in the room. And meanwhile we have yet to deprive the ‘terrorists’ of their oxygen. It’s time to take a breather – grab your oxygen masks…

Back long before puberty and even a few years before I began dousing my breakfast coffee with bourbon I used to listen as the morning news reports interrupted the popular music playing on our small town local radio station. And … Continue reading

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Being on steroids makes you manic. Being in bed too long makes me horny. And I’ve been in bed on steroids for 10 days. So I am bloody nuclear! And here is what I figured out to do to save ourselves… and America: Maybe I ought to run for President — like just about everybody else. So pray for me…

Back a few too many decades ago when I was about four, I lay dying in a hospital bed in a small mill town. For weeks. The docs had absolutely no idea what was wrong. Nevertheless, they did what they … Continue reading

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You want me to do what?!!! Damn!!! My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror. But I am just an old fashioned kind of guy. Skip the unusual and just give me a shot of the ordinary… please!

Years back this shapely law student in her late 20s, who had retired from competitive gymnastics, had a ‘demand’ list of oral and physical sexual requirements that men must perform. Otherwise she simply wouldn’t have sex with you. And I … Continue reading

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There are two things people want more than sex and money — recognition and praise. That’s why everybody’s running for President. However, if you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughed, was it a joke? And that’s why I’m voting for the Donald…

During the last few days I was reading some newspaper stories that reminded me that life is pretty funny when you realize how absurd it can be. Like, about the guy from Pennsylvania seeking to have sex with a horse … Continue reading

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Getting an education is a bit like a communicable sexual disease: It makes you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you have the urge to pass it on. Education is what remains after you forget what you learned in school. Yet I retained to never wrestle with a pig: You get dirty. And besides, the pig likes it. And now we have President Obama…

A while back a friend of mine was relating how he lost his grad school fellowship at a large and prestigious university. He refused to tutor remedial reading to some of the undergraduates. Remedial reading. Something you are supposed to … Continue reading

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Judgment usually comes from experience. And experience often comes from bad judgment. The real war is not between East and West – it is between intelligent and stoopid people. Circumstances cause us to act the way we do. Keep that in mind before stupidly pre-judging the actions of POW Bergdahl…

A law professor friend once instructed me in the chicanery of legal sophistry this way: If you have the law on your side, pound the law; if the facts are on your side pound the facts; but if neither are … Continue reading

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