Tag Archives: government

Do you think the historic climate change agreement adopted in Paris is going to save us from ISIS? Sometimes I wish that I was the weather, you’d bring me up in conversation forever. And when it snowed, I’d be the talk of the day…

Sooo…. This talkative, buxom, middle-aged woman seated next to me at the banquet table just reached over and started fondling the butterfly and cock-fighting pins I regularly garnish on my chest. She took her time examining, fingering each of the … Continue reading

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Being on steroids makes you manic. Being in bed too long makes me horny. And I’ve been in bed on steroids for 10 days. So I am bloody nuclear! And here is what I figured out to do to save ourselves… and America: Maybe I ought to run for President — like just about everybody else. So pray for me…

Back a few too many decades ago when I was about four, I lay dying in a hospital bed in a small mill town. For weeks. The docs had absolutely no idea what was wrong. Nevertheless, they did what they … Continue reading

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The biggest difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for $$$ usually costs a lot less. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of problems. I have a tremendous sex drive – my girl lives 75 miles away. But today’s new rules of sex are driving us all nuts.

You know that look women get when they want to have sex? Me neither… But back in college one evening, sultry, buxom Penny suddenly decided she wanted to wrestle. We were strolling across the deserted soccer field. And for some … Continue reading

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Obstacles to job creation in America are a result of policy, not of motivation. Small business owners are fighting every day to create and innovate, but continue to face government barriers. And next week we are voting for our government. And that got me to thinking about the time dear ol’ Pappy ran for governor… And my policy — to always vote against…

Some 40 years ago my father — a farmer, manufacturer and political provocateur — walked out of a taproom tucked in a country dale by the Brandywine River, not far from the eponymous revolutionary battle site in our war of … Continue reading

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You don’t learn to walk by following the rules. And if you obey all the rules you miss all the fun. But rules exist in every culture in history. Even those governing defecation. After all what is toilet training if not the first attempt to turn a child into an acceptable member of society?

A few years back, while watching the Philadelphia Phillies in the October baseball playoffs with some old college chums, we got to conversing with a group of younger women at the bar. And it turned out they had graduated from … Continue reading

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Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up… for that we’ve got Viagra. Which proves some laws are not made by nature – but by man. So why doesn’t the price of coffee and cigars ever come down?…

Hmm… Last Sunday I made a discovery: That the price of coffee has nothing to do with the laws of physics. And neither does the price of a cigar – premium or not. That doesn’t make me a genius. However, … Continue reading

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No matter how smart you are you spend much of your day being an idiot. Hmm… I hate to advocate cigars, alcohol, drugs or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me. Self-righteousness has killed more people than smoking. So why is the government minding Grumpy’s business?…

Besides too much reading, writing and over-exercising, two other vital activities that keep me from killing assholes are drinking — perhaps a tad more than a tad less — and smoking cigars. Do you think five or six a day … Continue reading

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