Tag Archives: Halloween

Listen up! There is no life without sex – married, single or symbiotic. So does it follow that since I’m not having sex with anything I don’t have to inflate, that I don’t have a life?….Well…. But of course!

My dear ol’ bourbon sippin’ Pappy used to exhale between those omnipotent puffs on his omniscient corn cob pipe that: Sex is alot like oxygen – you don’t miss it unless you ain’t gettin’ any. So why does it seem … Continue reading

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Dressing farm animals in women’s clothing ain’t nearly as fun as going to the Philadelphia Tattoo Convention with a warning sign out front: “No weapons. No alcohol. No colors.”

At first I thought my friend couldn’t go in. The big stark incongruous black and white sign at the front door read: “No weapons — No alcohol — No colors” I looked at the 440 pound half-Hawaiian, half-African guy with … Continue reading

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They pulled a knife on me in the late night shadows. Called me names. Demanded my money…Evil succeeds when good men do nothing. So, I did something. I pulled out my knife…

I must have been daydreaming about the marvelous classic car show I had attended earlier on that sultry last-day of July because I didn’t notice the two young men creep out of the shadows. I don’t know why these abrasive … Continue reading

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He slapped me for what I had written about that distressing haircut his beautiful biz partner gave me. And all I could think was: He may look like an idiot and act like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you – he really is an idiot.

Apparently, I have enemies I have never actually met. Like the other night when one of them accosted me during a karaoke night in a tavern and slapped me. And I wasn’t even singing. At first I thought it must … Continue reading

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Even with our haircuts in America most of us don’t get what we ask for and pay for, we get clipped the way some beautiful woman decides she wants us to look.

Few of us get what we want. The rest of us get what comes. And I got Gary, this handsome Italian cop from South Philly (now that’s redundant) deciding I should come with him and get my bushy mangle of … Continue reading

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What has happened to this Frenchman IMF chief happened to me. By my own sick, lying wife. And the lying lawyers and the DAs. After my wife self destructed the charges were quickly withdrawn. But not my hell and repercussions. And no one helps.

I don’t understand  how a man — like me, for instance — would dare to enter one of his ex-wives’ houses — invited or not — without a video camera, tape recorder and an elephant gun. And that’s just so … Continue reading

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If we tattooed our spouses, lawyers, politicians, crooks, criminals and other infidels at least their accomplices couldn’t claim to not know who they were with, or what they were doing

The man seated next to me in the diner unwrapped the blue saran around the territory extending from five inches below his right elbow to an equal distance above. I had curiously asked if he had been injured or had … Continue reading

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