Tag Archives: IPad

I need some advice…that is, before I ain’t even got a pot left to piss in…or can’t even afford to get naked…’THEY’ are lying to us. And this shit has got to stop…that is, before us folks really get pissed worse than an Irishman without a beer…

I need some advice… But Dear Abby is recently dead. My mother is 92-years-old.  My brother the heart-surgeon has always been seriously afflicted with judgmental hard-heartedness. My exes prefer I don’t call when they are flat on their backs — … Continue reading

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Most folks live to have resumès, instead of having resumès because they lived…Most resumès ain’t nothing but lies that nobody bothers to read anymore — and not just because there ain’t no jobs…And then along came not-quite-5-year-old Andrew who asked me to help write his resumè…Oy-vey-iz-mir!

I think on my resumè, which I have never finished nor submitted anywhere, it still says that I can juggle while driving my ex-wives mad; am working on a cure for mental halitosis and teenagers; am totally politically-incorrect and a … Continue reading

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The secret to life is birthdays: the more you have the longer you live. And my mother has now lived for 91 years. Her secret? Like the weather, there is nothing you can really do about it. Just keep the rust off and don’t expire like something in the refrigerator…

I first met my mother when she was around 30. It was during a February blizzard in the Pennsylvania dirt-road countryside. Due to our country doctor’s miscalculation, I arrived six weeks late. And I’ve been making up that for lost … Continue reading

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Man may have used his intelligence to invent stupidity, but his body’s natural evolutionary instincts keep him alive in spite of himself. Let’s start with deep water….

My father built the fire pond after his chain saw factory burned down when the fire trucks ran out of water. But he told my mother, a wonderful swimmer, that he built it for her — because she looked like … Continue reading

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