Tag Archives: Italian

Imagination was given to man to compensate for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. We don’t lose our sense of humor because we get old. We get old because we lose our sense of humor. The problem with humor is often that people you use it on aren’t in a very good mood. And Joey G was cute when he was being humorless…

The skinny guy was about two feet from the top of climbing the 30-foot greased pole. He was part of a team of other skinny guys with tattoos, climbing over each other, groping and hoping to get to the prizes … Continue reading

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Any jackass can kick down a barn, but it takes a good carpenter to build one up. In the spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to love… but us ‘old men’ turn to painting the house. I may not be perfect, but I am avid – about not giving a damn. After all, as I told my mammoth, cigar-puffing, Italian landlord: Look what ‘youse’ guys did to that last Jewish carpenter…

My landlord warned me. Then again, my over-sized, South Philadelphia, Italian landlord and I have a rather pedestrian relationship. That is, as long as I pay the rent, he allows me to live where I live. And enjoy breathing. Which … Continue reading

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Life is beautiful but people are crazy. It’s just the way we are. Of course I’m crazy, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. And that’s what Louie-duh-too-sane-lawyer was trying to explain to crazy-Ian…

Louie-duh-lawyer isn’t the only one over at the Twin Cigar Shoppe who is absolutely certain that Ian is insane — even for this planet. Which is why we dub him ‘the alien.’ Apparently Ian thinks mostly when he’s squatting on … Continue reading

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These days everybody is so terrified of being labeled a racist. Racism is like ketchup, it can be spread on practically anything. But the question is: Do folks in America have a right to be racist? Hmm… I never apologize for the truth. And the truth is that racists come in many different colors…

During a glorious day on July 4th weekend at the Atlantic City shore a large gathering of Hispanics from Puerto Rico, with ample beach to chose from, decided to plop their blankets… and chairs …and umbrellas… and coolers… and radios… … Continue reading

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A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. But the trouble is most of us are too fat to run. These days most everything we put into our mouths makes us fat. And what comes out of our mouths is fatuous. Indeed, what we eat in private shows in public…

I can honestly say that I have never told a woman that she is ‘fat, ugly, dumb and stupid’ – even if she was sooo fat and ugly that when she threw a boomerang it refused to come back. However, … Continue reading

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America is a country where ‘In G-d we trust’… All others must pay cash. There are many Catholics, Protestants and Jews in our enormous jail gulags for murder, yet we don’t fear their religion, like we do Muslims. And I have found in my global sojourns that most people just want to live in peace under blue skies and white clouds… surrounded by family.

The poetic irony in the argument across the street got us all laughing. We were blowing cigar smoke at The Twin Smoke Shoppe in the once mostly Italian immigrant neighborhood of South Philadelphia. And suddenly a couple of fellows – … Continue reading

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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what’s right. No doubt why there are no morals in politics – only expediency. But a lack of honor in government poisons us all. Which brings us to a stolen phone, a snatched donut and Louie-duh-lawyer forgetting the law is reason – free from passion.

Louie-duh-lawyer was aggravated… again. I should say: As always. Man just can’t seem to find peace and contentment. Not to mention a little happiness – even though he can quote Abraham Lincoln who exhorted: ‘You’re only as happy as you … Continue reading

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