Tag Archives: Jews

Life is beautiful but people are crazy. It’s just the way we are. Of course I’m crazy, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. And that’s what Louie-duh-too-sane-lawyer was trying to explain to crazy-Ian…

Louie-duh-lawyer isn’t the only one over at the Twin Cigar Shoppe who is absolutely certain that Ian is insane — even for this planet. Which is why we dub him ‘the alien.’ Apparently Ian thinks mostly when he’s squatting on … Continue reading

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If a man watches 3 football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. No one in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. And meanwhile, I am having a breakdown…

I am not absolutely certain, but I think I am having another breakdown… which I am sure doesn’t come as a surprise to any of my exes. Undoubtedly, they figure I broke down years back – especially after I tied … Continue reading

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My imaginary friends think I have serious mental problems. Hmm… We’re all fools on this penal colony called Earth. But the worst fool is one who maintains his dignity to avoid any embarrassment of regretting his regrets. And indeed, there are certain birthdays that cause you to revalue your life…

More than a few years back on a foreign talk show prying into some of my global misadventures that might have proven only a tad less disastrous than ISIS, I was suddenly and incongruously asked, if I had any regrets. … Continue reading

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The reason I don’t own a gun is that I would use it… often. The reason liberal Sean doesn’t own a gun is because he ain’t right in the head. The reason neo-con Louie doesn’t have a gun is just too convoluted. Hmm… Most of ‘neutral’ Switzerland owns a gun or two, and they barely have any crime… No shit!…

We all agreed: Something has got to be done. Oy-vey-iz-mir. Trouble is we couldn’t agree on just what that something was. Sort of like Congress. We were enemies… instead of folks with merely different intellectual points of view trying to … Continue reading

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When will the Hamas also learn: That life is never fair, and perhaps that’s a good thing for most of us that it is not. That truth exists; only lies are invented. And to beware of the wrath of a patient man. As my dear ol’ Pappy exclaimed: ‘Fair?! The only fare I know is what I pay to ride the bus!’ And dats duh truth…

My dear ol’ bourbon sippin’ Pappy used to beat us. Rather regularly. My older brother-duh-doc and me. And sometimes the beatings could be rather innovative. Now remember, this was post WWII when many fathers – and even mothers — offered … Continue reading

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There’s a time and place for everything. Love has its place, as does hate. So does peace, as does war. And mercy vies with cruelty and revenge. What I am saying is that it’s far easier to forgive an enemy after you’ve put him in his place. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. So let’s bomb Syria!

Let’s all – as in A-L-L — us Jews and Christians and Muslims and Buddhists and Hindus… and all the rest of us fellow pious hypocrites and atheists get something ramrod straighter than we would — even on Viagra: Yes, … Continue reading

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I am on my fourth dental student since July. And I still haven’t even had my teeth cleaned yet. But I have gotten blamed for the last mishap. I thank Jesus for both of us being Jewish…I mean I’m used to being blamed…

It’s not just because I am Jewish, but I am used to being blamed for most everything. I can’t even pass by a sobbing woman without feeling responsible. I mean, after all, Jewish mothers invented guilt. Like Mary, who constantly … Continue reading

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