Tag Archives: machete

As you get older it’s harder to have heroes, but it is sort of necessary… I guess. But just because I ‘accidentally’ saved the chief’s life, shouldn’t have made me his hero. And then he offered me his daughter. Oy-vey! Heroes don’t get wives, they get all duh women… don’t they? Sooo, what is a hero?

One time, a lot of years back, in West Africa, after a rather raucous conflict that involved shooting people who were spraying bullets and other harmful objects our way, a tribal chief tried to reward me with one of his … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

They pulled a knife on me in the late night shadows. Called me names. Demanded my money…Evil succeeds when good men do nothing. So, I did something. I pulled out my knife…

I must have been daydreaming about the marvelous classic car show I had attended earlier on that sultry last-day of July because I didn’t notice the two young men creep out of the shadows. I don’t know why these abrasive … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why would you punch a parking meter guy for doing his job when it is the politicians we should be punching? You know, those dim wits in City Hall and the State House who don’t know what they are doing, and do it very well.

The truck driver shoved Kenny hard in the back, severely straining the vertebrae in his neck. When Kenny turned around, the angry big guy punched Kenny right in the nose, snapping the bloody skin at the bridge. At that Kenny … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tipping makes no sense: Why do we tip Pierre $20 for bringing a $100 steak at night, but only tip Gertrude $2 for delivering a $10 plate of eggs in the morning? They’re performing the same services, aren’t they?

I never really mind bad service in a restaurant. It makes me feel much better about not leaving a tip. I know I am standing in a long viral line to spew some angst here, but I do have issues … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

If we tattooed our spouses, lawyers, politicians, crooks, criminals and other infidels at least their accomplices couldn’t claim to not know who they were with, or what they were doing

The man seated next to me in the diner unwrapped the blue saran around the territory extending from five inches below his right elbow to an equal distance above. I had curiously asked if he had been injured or had … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I can’t help myself: I am cursing. I am stoned. I am armed. And I am heading off to Washington. And no one can stop me because I am perfectly legal

What I want to obtain from my doctor is a written medical opinion which stipulates I have been diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome. Therefore, under the American Disability Act, I simply can’t help myself  — for cursing. At everything. At anytime. … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

When a judge acts stoopid, speaks stoopid, thinks out-loud stoopid and be stoopid…why do we stupidly keep re-electing her (or him)?

If I stand before one more judge who wags her finger to excoriate me about ignorance of the law I swear my next column will be written from Philadelphia’s Graterford Prison. I was appearing before this non-virtual-reality “Judge Judy” at … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment