Tag Archives: money

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face. Men are only born ignorant, but work overtime on staying stupid. We seem to forget that a woman may born you… love you… and mourn you… But a woman is a sometime thing. And sometime between that woman and dawn, I lost my memory… and my bike…

Whenever someone tells me to do something – even have a nice day – I often respond: ‘Hmm… I’ve been married. I know how to follow orders.’ But not very well, apparently, since from time to time I’ve been in … Continue reading

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Being on steroids makes you manic. Being in bed too long makes me horny. And I’ve been in bed on steroids for 10 days. So I am bloody nuclear! And here is what I figured out to do to save ourselves… and America: Maybe I ought to run for President — like just about everybody else. So pray for me…

Back a few too many decades ago when I was about four, I lay dying in a hospital bed in a small mill town. For weeks. The docs had absolutely no idea what was wrong. Nevertheless, they did what they … Continue reading

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You want me to do what?!!! Damn!!! My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror. But I am just an old fashioned kind of guy. Skip the unusual and just give me a shot of the ordinary… please!

Years back this shapely law student in her late 20s, who had retired from competitive gymnastics, had a ‘demand’ list of oral and physical sexual requirements that men must perform. Otherwise she simply wouldn’t have sex with you. And I … Continue reading

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Ours is a government of checks and balances — the crooked businessmen make out checks, and the politicians and other compromised officials improve their bank balances. Hmm… What this country needs is more unemployed politicians. Or perhaps more deaths by firing squads…

In the 40 year old movie Chinatown the crusty evil character (played by the celebrated director John Huston) who robbed and pillaged and murdered his way to fortune — not to mention fathered another daughter by raping his own daughter … Continue reading

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Oh, you hate your job? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar…Yet, if you do a half-assed job, you’re a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind, dumb, stoopid and unhappy…Learn from successes, for if you learn only from mistakes, you learn only errors…

After spending nearly three months attempting to lasso a copy of my birth certificate, the department of records finally sent me – after political intervention — two copies. However, both possessed the absolutely wrong month and day. And all my … Continue reading

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Our crooks are elected by the vast majority who don’t vote. We have closed our eyes to the public corruption of our democracy. We don’t need more laws! We need less stoopid people to see that corruption is nature’s way of restoring our faith in democracy…

“You can’t blame Eve,” exhaled my dear ol’ bourbon sippin’ Pappy between one of those omnipotent puffs on his omniscient corncob pipes. “She may have made man weak between the knees. But it was G-d who made man stoopid between … Continue reading

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Some folks like to insist there are only steers and queers in Texas. And you don’t look like no steer. Well, no doubt from G-d’s far away aerie we all look more than a little queer — whether we are single, married or divorced…Odd as that may seem to some folks…even if you’re asexual…

As a divorced father recently wailed: Gay people should definitely be allowed to get married. Just because somebody’s gay doesn’t mean he shouldn’t suffer like the rest of us. Now that’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout! But for some reason we … Continue reading

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