Tag Archives: New Jersey

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house…Hmm…Maybe it also means if you don’t change direction you may end up where you are heading…

I have decided – perhaps astutely, for a rare moment — not to become a matador. Hmm… This red-cape-dropping revelation is not only because — like journalists and lawyers — there are just too many toreros for too few swordy-coup-de-gras … Continue reading

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Our crooks are elected by the vast majority who don’t vote. We have closed our eyes to the public corruption of our democracy. We don’t need more laws! We need less stoopid people to see that corruption is nature’s way of restoring our faith in democracy…

“You can’t blame Eve,” exhaled my dear ol’ bourbon sippin’ Pappy between one of those omnipotent puffs on his omniscient corncob pipes. “She may have made man weak between the knees. But it was G-d who made man stoopid between … Continue reading

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She professed her love in ‘lavender and perfumed’ e-mails. Then she wanted money…Gee, she sounded just like my exes. Only she won’t go away…Hmm…Come to think of it: Neither would my exes…

I am still receiving e-mails and instant messages professing her love and adoration — as well as seeking ‘bail’ money. They are from a woman who had previously been writing me very affectionate love letters and planning for our future. … Continue reading

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Why the hell would a Jew commit suicide in a world ‘so fraught with vile vultures keen at jumping on every opportunity to gamely excise whatever wasn’t already circumcised?’…If only I could still ask Lee…

No one really knows why Lee Lavinson may have killed himself. We only heard when, where, what and how. Some of the details may be a little sketchy. But what I heard is that he macramé a Windsor knot in … Continue reading

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All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. And this got me to thinking: Now that I am able to complete my own sentences it’s time to say something nice about my ex-wife…or would that be a mistake?

I would like to say something nice about my last ex-wife. Hmm… You know, the one: Stephanie Blatt. The green-eye She-Devil from the other side of midnight. The reason G-d made bourbon. The living proof that exorcism doesn’t work. And … Continue reading

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We come into the world with nothing and when we leave we have nothing. In between there’s a lot of stoopid people robbing, pillaging, stealing and misspending our tax dollars…And boy, do I feel stoopid.

I don’t understand a great deal when it comes to money. Especially taxes. And obviously I am not alone. Even Einstein once uttered that the hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes. With me, it’s just about … Continue reading

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Why would you punch a parking meter guy for doing his job when it is the politicians we should be punching? You know, those dim wits in City Hall and the State House who don’t know what they are doing, and do it very well.

The truck driver shoved Kenny hard in the back, severely straining the vertebrae in his neck. When Kenny turned around, the angry big guy punched Kenny right in the nose, snapping the bloody skin at the bridge. At that Kenny … Continue reading

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