Tag Archives: NFL

A rich friend won’t report his wife’s stolen credit cards because the thief spends less than she does… I don’t worry about someone stealing my identity because no one wants to be me… Prometheus’ stealing fire is viewed as the foundation of all of man’s technologies. And then there was this marijuana cartel who wanted me to fly for them… for a steal!

I have trouble with stealing. Even though in yesterday’s, today’s and no doubt tomorrow’s world lying, stealing and cheating are pretty much common place. And I don’t wanna talk about my last ex-wife. Sheesh. She even stole my bad ideas, … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

If a man watches 3 football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. No one in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. And meanwhile, I am having a breakdown…

I am not absolutely certain, but I think I am having another breakdown… which I am sure doesn’t come as a surprise to any of my exes. Undoubtedly, they figure I broke down years back – especially after I tied … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Being on steroids makes you manic. Being in bed too long makes me horny. And I’ve been in bed on steroids for 10 days. So I am bloody nuclear! And here is what I figured out to do to save ourselves… and America: Maybe I ought to run for President — like just about everybody else. So pray for me…

Back a few too many decades ago when I was about four, I lay dying in a hospital bed in a small mill town. For weeks. The docs had absolutely no idea what was wrong. Nevertheless, they did what they … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then the worms eat you. Just be grateful it happens in that order. Hmm… Many folks long for immortality when they don’t even know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. Life is for the living; but the dead always live with us. So let’s talk about Joan and me…

I don’t know why Joan and I never quite clicked. Perhaps because I firmly subscribe there is absolutely nothing that is above humorous reproach. Yet her humorless face always harbored a sangfroid that seemed above reproach. In other words, I … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I’ve got to start watching more porno. I mean, unlike life, everybody seems to be enjoying themselves – no matter how they’re getting f-ked. And meanwhile I think I’ve figured out why jihad ‘martyrs’ want virgins in heaven…

I have always wondered why Muslim jihadist ‘martyrs’ desperately want 72 virgins as part of their reward in heaven. And now in the wake of their savage Paris slaughter of journalists and others at the Charlie Hebdo satirical magazine I … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Will somebody please inform me who is in charge these days? Because I’m ready to follow Joan of Arc. At least women and children seem to accept that uncertainty is part of the taking charge process. Nobody claimed it isn’t hard to lead a cavalry charge — especially if you think you look funny on a horse.

As more than one disillusioned idealist has uttered: If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there’d be a shortage of sand. But my trouble is finding out just who is in charge … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Since we already know that everybody lies, why do journalists risk their lives to tell us what we already know? Because that’s what we do. And we’d do it even if we weren’t getting paid to tell you that you are stoopid, ignorant and foolish. Because it is so much fun, even after the deadline…

The question being shrilly postured and posed today in the horrendous wake of yet two more journalists being beheaded is: Why do reporters take such risks? And I have a simple answer: Because everybody lies. Everybody. It is almost failsafe … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment