Tag Archives: Pennsylvania

Why do I need a prescription to get stuff that will make me healthy, but I don’t need any sort of permission for stuff that will kill me? Hmm… When religion was strong and science weak, men mistook magic for medicine; now, we mistake medicine for magic. Yet, medicine has its dark side – like death…

Unless you get lost from time to time you can never find yourself. And the other day I got ‘lost’ while biking in an unfamiliar part of the city. And I finally found myself at a Rite Aid pharmacy… with … Continue reading

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I make mistakes. I say stupid things. I do idiotic things. And, quite frankly, I’m proud of them… mostly. Why not make mistakes? The worst that can happen is you become memorable. And while apologies don’t feed the admiral’s dog, I apologize when I’m wrong… mostly… and so did my brother…

I remember the one and only time my big brother ever apologized to me. And that was 45 years ago. I had taken a wrong turn out of Washington, D.C. early on a Monday morning. And thereby I was nearly … Continue reading

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Hell, this is enough to make me want to put a bar in the back of my car and drive myself to drink. For today I am an orphan. Tomorrow I’ll still be an S-O-B. But today I am going to drink into tomorrow and think about how the best woman I ever knew is now only in my yesterdays…

I immediately knew why my brother-duh-heart-doc was calling from his vacation trip in St. Petersburg, Russia… just as my cousin knew why I was calling her cell phone in the early morning. And why my cousin Bob surprisingly called me … Continue reading

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An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises. And promises are like crying babies in a theater: They should be carried out at once. For today is the tomorrow we weren’t promised yesterday. And if you don’t perform and vote I promise to whup you…

I don’t ever recall my dear ol’ bourbon sippin’ Pappy telling me, just before he issued one of his many belt ‘whuppings,’ that ‘this is going to hurt me a whole lot worse than it’s going to hurt you.’ Uh-uh. … Continue reading

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There are two things people want more than sex and money — recognition and praise. That’s why everybody’s running for President. However, if you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughed, was it a joke? And that’s why I’m voting for the Donald…

During the last few days I was reading some newspaper stories that reminded me that life is pretty funny when you realize how absurd it can be. Like, about the guy from Pennsylvania seeking to have sex with a horse … Continue reading

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The biggest difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for $$$ usually costs a lot less. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of problems. I have a tremendous sex drive – my girl lives 75 miles away. But today’s new rules of sex are driving us all nuts.

You know that look women get when they want to have sex? Me neither… But back in college one evening, sultry, buxom Penny suddenly decided she wanted to wrestle. We were strolling across the deserted soccer field. And for some … Continue reading

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Ours is a government of checks and balances — the crooked businessmen make out checks, and the politicians and other compromised officials improve their bank balances. Hmm… What this country needs is more unemployed politicians. Or perhaps more deaths by firing squads…

In the 40 year old movie Chinatown the crusty evil character (played by the celebrated director John Huston) who robbed and pillaged and murdered his way to fortune — not to mention fathered another daughter by raping his own daughter … Continue reading

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