Tag Archives: sex

We usually don’t get what we want, but what comes. And what’s-a-coming in a few days is troubling. Then again, like my venerable Louisiana cousin recently informed me: ‘Trouble is the nature of all things. We can’t help ourselves. Hell, even a fish wouldn’t get into trouble if it kept its mouth shut.’ Sooo… let’s make trouble… and vote like me… and Jerry.

There was a scream. It shattered the still, midnight air. And pierced the emptiness everywhere. The shriek boiled over like the howling of an urgent train whistle. But no police sirens followed. No neighbors flipped on their lights, or gathered … Continue reading

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Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face. Men are only born ignorant, but work overtime on staying stupid. We seem to forget that a woman may born you… love you… and mourn you… But a woman is a sometime thing. And sometime between that woman and dawn, I lost my memory… and my bike…

Whenever someone tells me to do something – even have a nice day – I often respond: ‘Hmm… I’ve been married. I know how to follow orders.’ But not very well, apparently, since from time to time I’ve been in … Continue reading

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I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. And the big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for $$$ usually costs a lot less. And there I was, under the boardwalk… not exactly falling in love…

Some things definitely get lost in translation. Especially when it comes to matters of politics, religion… and, of course, sex — at least when it comes to sex with a partner I don’t have to inflate. In case you missed … Continue reading

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It’s been no secret for centuries that ‘the rich get divorced, and the poor get ethics.’ In other words, the law and opportunities aren’t the same for everybody. Indeed there is larceny in all our hearts. But some hearts steal more. And the rest of us get a lot less…

The other day at the Twin Smoke Shoppe in South Philly where I puff cigars daily, Ralph got to talking about the time years back he used the $100 ‘given’ him to get poked with a prostitute… and instead bought … Continue reading

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Does it seem like killing our children is getting to be like ‘adult entertainment?’ But what-duh-hell-what-duh-heck hang ‘em up by the neck. That’s why I hate vegetarians – they won’t eat anything that can have children. Hmm… come to think of it, we adults ain’t nothing but outdated children…

They’re starving the children to skin and bones in Darfur. They’re burning the children in Nigeria. They’re raping the children in churches everywhere. They’re depriving the children of most everything that used to be affordable in Venezuela… Brazil… Argentina… They’re … Continue reading

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You want me to do what?!!! Damn!!! My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror. But I am just an old fashioned kind of guy. Skip the unusual and just give me a shot of the ordinary… please!

Years back this shapely law student in her late 20s, who had retired from competitive gymnastics, had a ‘demand’ list of oral and physical sexual requirements that men must perform. Otherwise she simply wouldn’t have sex with you. And I … Continue reading

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There are two things people want more than sex and money — recognition and praise. That’s why everybody’s running for President. However, if you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughed, was it a joke? And that’s why I’m voting for the Donald…

During the last few days I was reading some newspaper stories that reminded me that life is pretty funny when you realize how absurd it can be. Like, about the guy from Pennsylvania seeking to have sex with a horse … Continue reading

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The biggest difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for $$$ usually costs a lot less. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of problems. I have a tremendous sex drive – my girl lives 75 miles away. But today’s new rules of sex are driving us all nuts.

You know that look women get when they want to have sex? Me neither… But back in college one evening, sultry, buxom Penny suddenly decided she wanted to wrestle. We were strolling across the deserted soccer field. And for some … Continue reading

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Getting an education is a bit like a communicable sexual disease: It makes you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you have the urge to pass it on. Education is what remains after you forget what you learned in school. Yet I retained to never wrestle with a pig: You get dirty. And besides, the pig likes it. And now we have President Obama…

A while back a friend of mine was relating how he lost his grad school fellowship at a large and prestigious university. He refused to tutor remedial reading to some of the undergraduates. Remedial reading. Something you are supposed to … Continue reading

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I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people — that’s why I don’t like most of them. I like to call everyone I find more than a tad annoying a sociopath. And when you have an alleged sociopath adjudging on a State Supreme Court then Justice is to be found only in the imagination…

Hmm… As an incipient young journalist when I walked into a courtroom I felt like I was walking into a cathedral. But it didn’t take long to disavow any such notion. And to realize it was more like walking into … Continue reading

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