Tag Archives: South Jersey

A ‘real patriot’ is the idiot who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. The trouble is that doofus doesn’t pay his fines out-of-pocket, but out of a corporate kitty. Meanwhile, for guys like Frankie the system issues a warrant for his arrest… for a 21-year-old parking ticket!

When I first moved to Philadelphia from North Carolina years back to take a coveted position with a newspaper that no longer exists, my biggest adjustment to big city life was parking tickets. With the first one I actually thought … Continue reading

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In a world of racism, sexism, anti-Semitism and all hateful things, what inevitably seems to conquer all is…horniness. It ain’t happening in church. The most segregated time in America is the weekly hour of worship – to the very same Lord who made us all, great and small…

The first time I ‘slept’ (Slept? Who had time to sleep?!) with this woman in West Africa’s Ivory Coast  she turned to me and wondered in those scrumptious, breathy, French half-tones: “Am I your first black woman?” I smiled devilishly … Continue reading

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Listen up! There is no life without sex – married, single or symbiotic. So does it follow that since I’m not having sex with anything I don’t have to inflate, that I don’t have a life?….Well…. But of course!

My dear ol’ bourbon sippin’ Pappy used to exhale between those omnipotent puffs on his omniscient corn cob pipe that: Sex is alot like oxygen – you don’t miss it unless you ain’t gettin’ any. So why does it seem … Continue reading

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When 340-pound Louie ‘Whispers’ asked me to sniff him, I gotta tell you: Eye-talians have some strange customs. He smelled like my favorite animal: A steak! Then Louie offered: Life can taste good, but you’ve got to make it good.

Louie ‘Whispers’ – as opposed to ‘Louie duh lawyer’ – plopped his 340-pound, always smiling, battleship of a body onto a chair in the Twin Smoke Shoppe in South Philadelphia the other Sunday afternoon and asked me how I thought … Continue reading

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