Tag Archives: suicide

A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. But the trouble is most of us are too fat to run. These days most everything we put into our mouths makes us fat. And what comes out of our mouths is fatuous. Indeed, what we eat in private shows in public…

I can honestly say that I have never told a woman that she is ‘fat, ugly, dumb and stupid’ – even if she was sooo fat and ugly that when she threw a boomerang it refused to come back. However, … Continue reading

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You are what you eat. So I am fast, cheap and easy. But today the invective ‘Eat shit and die’ is being medically prescribed as ‘Eat shit and live.’ The Bedouins always knew of poop’s curative powers. So have animals. So what took us so long? To observe without reflecting is like eating without digesting…

Periodically, when I would go ballistic with one of my rants, my dear Mother, who still loves to be called ‘dear’, would pause and search my wild hazel eyes. Then after a moment or two she would exhale behind an … Continue reading

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I tried to commit suicide by sticking my head in the oven, but there was a cake in it. Hmm…There is something both great and terrible about suicide, euthanasia and such. But the law is ‘law-fool’ and afflicts us foolishly. The only difference between suicide and martyrdom is press coverage.

One of the times I tried suicide the rope ended up being too long. Hmm… Don’t laugh. This was a tragic miscalculation. After all, I was a math major. Another time I tried overdosing on what I thought was sleeping … Continue reading

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A Philadelphia inspector with a conscience killed himself. Meanwhile another American with a conscience is holed-out in Hong Kong trying to keep from being killed by our government. Conscience is a much higher court than our courts of justice…

Before he shot himself through the heart last week I didn’t know of Ronald Wagenhoffer. Now, if I had done myself in like he did, undoubtedly a couple of my exes would have mused: “You mean he had a heart?!” … Continue reading

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You can’t make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. You’ve got to work on his conscience. And his lack of conscience is what makes him a lawyer. But if lawyers don’t stop their overpriced nonsense then it will be nonsense that finally stops them… For those who live by the sword are shot by those who don’t…

One time I was utterly dumbfounded at the dreadful advice an old friend and big shot lawyer was offering. I blinked once. Twice.  And then so many times my eyelids were changing channels faster than a TV-remote velcroed to his … Continue reading

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Why the hell would a Jew commit suicide in a world ‘so fraught with vile vultures keen at jumping on every opportunity to gamely excise whatever wasn’t already circumcised?’…If only I could still ask Lee…

No one really knows why Lee Lavinson may have killed himself. We only heard when, where, what and how. Some of the details may be a little sketchy. But what I heard is that he macramé a Windsor knot in … Continue reading

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