Tag Archives: Texas

Life is beautiful but people are crazy. It’s just the way we are. Of course I’m crazy, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. And that’s what Louie-duh-too-sane-lawyer was trying to explain to crazy-Ian…

Louie-duh-lawyer isn’t the only one over at the Twin Cigar Shoppe who is absolutely certain that Ian is insane — even for this planet. Which is why we dub him ‘the alien.’ Apparently Ian thinks mostly when he’s squatting on … Continue reading

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We usually don’t get what we want, but what comes. And what’s-a-coming in a few days is troubling. Then again, like my venerable Louisiana cousin recently informed me: ‘Trouble is the nature of all things. We can’t help ourselves. Hell, even a fish wouldn’t get into trouble if it kept its mouth shut.’ Sooo… let’s make trouble… and vote like me… and Jerry.

There was a scream. It shattered the still, midnight air. And pierced the emptiness everywhere. The shriek boiled over like the howling of an urgent train whistle. But no police sirens followed. No neighbors flipped on their lights, or gathered … Continue reading

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As long as enough people can be frightened, then all people can be ruled. Fear becomes the ticket to destroy our rights. We fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them. And panic kills. And staying in a state of fear about Ebola leads to panic. In the end Luca’s fears caused him to eat himself to death…

I spotted Luca’s gigantic mitt of stubby fingers reaching out to snatch the plate of tastykake crumpets, one of the grandest junk-food sweet cakes on the planet. And immediately I quick-stepped across the small room of cigar smokers… and punched … Continue reading

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When I am in a bad mood I don’t listen. And all of us have pretty serious mood swings. Fear may be the mother of morality. But evidence is accumulating that the relatively tiny doses of lithium in our ground water does improve our moods. So let’s add some more…

I was conversing with a group of psychiatrists the other day when they all got around to nodding and smiling like a bunch of fraternity pranksters. They were giddy at the idea of adding more lithium to our water reservoir … Continue reading

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I cry for Boston. Just like I’ve cried each terrible time we’ve lost a piece of our innocence. But my tears will turn to outraged jeers if Big Brother government afflicts our freedoms with any more encumbrances! We are here to Live Free or Die: For Death is not the worst of evils!

I didn’t first lose my young innocence in that whorehouse in Venezuela. And I didn’t lose it the other day with the bombings and cowardly killings at the Boston Marathon. I think my innocence began ebbing long before both. That … Continue reading

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She professed her love in ‘lavender and perfumed’ e-mails. Then she wanted money…Gee, she sounded just like my exes. Only she won’t go away…Hmm…Come to think of it: Neither would my exes…

I am still receiving e-mails and instant messages professing her love and adoration — as well as seeking ‘bail’ money. They are from a woman who had previously been writing me very affectionate love letters and planning for our future. … Continue reading

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In this national emotional whirlpool of guns, Newtown slaughter, movies of Osama’s noble revenge and torturing evil men let me warn you: Fear rules! Fear makes strangers of folks who would be friends. The greater the fear the more government controls you, me and everything…

One time a few years back in West Africa we got caught in a bit of a fire fight. These very unsophisticated-looking, unsmiling fellows were shooting and throwing pointy things at us. And it was no use trying to convince … Continue reading

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