Tag Archives: TV

Do you think the historic climate change agreement adopted in Paris is going to save us from ISIS? Sometimes I wish that I was the weather, you’d bring me up in conversation forever. And when it snowed, I’d be the talk of the day…

Sooo…. This talkative, buxom, middle-aged woman seated next to me at the banquet table just reached over and started fondling the butterfly and cock-fighting pins I regularly garnish on my chest. She took her time examining, fingering each of the … Continue reading

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Being on steroids makes you manic. Being in bed too long makes me horny. And I’ve been in bed on steroids for 10 days. So I am bloody nuclear! And here is what I figured out to do to save ourselves… and America: Maybe I ought to run for President — like just about everybody else. So pray for me…

Back a few too many decades ago when I was about four, I lay dying in a hospital bed in a small mill town. For weeks. The docs had absolutely no idea what was wrong. Nevertheless, they did what they … Continue reading

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There are two things people want more than sex and money — recognition and praise. That’s why everybody’s running for President. However, if you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughed, was it a joke? And that’s why I’m voting for the Donald…

During the last few days I was reading some newspaper stories that reminded me that life is pretty funny when you realize how absurd it can be. Like, about the guy from Pennsylvania seeking to have sex with a horse … Continue reading

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The biggest difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for $$$ usually costs a lot less. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of problems. I have a tremendous sex drive – my girl lives 75 miles away. But today’s new rules of sex are driving us all nuts.

You know that look women get when they want to have sex? Me neither… But back in college one evening, sultry, buxom Penny suddenly decided she wanted to wrestle. We were strolling across the deserted soccer field. And for some … Continue reading

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At a cocktail party one should drink wisely but not too well, and talk well but not too wisely… Suddenly this gabby, fluffy woman started shrieking and assaulting me. She screeched that I said: ‘Take your clothes off, I listen better…’ Hmm… Could be. Sounds like me.

The way Cherie was vigorously shaking the chrome cocktail container mixing potent icy cosmopolitans you might have thought she made her living as a cabana server instead of a news anchor on local TV. But that was the drink de … Continue reading

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An old friend is the best mirror. And old friends know I am not sorry for who I am… or about most anything. In fact, the most I can do is wholeheartedly apologize for not being sorry at all. Therefore, as Dan put it: If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late…

Ever since Dan and I first met in West Africa we quickly became old friends. And you know, it takes a long time to grow an old friend. In the case of Dan Goldberg, who four decades back founded ‘For … Continue reading

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Since we already know that everybody lies, why do journalists risk their lives to tell us what we already know? Because that’s what we do. And we’d do it even if we weren’t getting paid to tell you that you are stoopid, ignorant and foolish. Because it is so much fun, even after the deadline…

The question being shrilly postured and posed today in the horrendous wake of yet two more journalists being beheaded is: Why do reporters take such risks? And I have a simple answer: Because everybody lies. Everybody. It is almost failsafe … Continue reading

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If you’re playing a poker game and can’t tell who the sucker is around the table — it’s you. Gambling promises the poor what property performs for the rich – something for nothing. And Atlantic City is like a crab, crawling backward in search of the ocean… and missing! And now back to being Gay…

One night under the low lights of a noisy tavern this young, vivacious woman with laughing eyes from Texas was explaining how she had logically, strategically and mathematically determined to move from Dallas to Philadelphia. That is instead of some … Continue reading

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Judgment usually comes from experience. And experience often comes from bad judgment. The real war is not between East and West – it is between intelligent and stoopid people. Circumstances cause us to act the way we do. Keep that in mind before stupidly pre-judging the actions of POW Bergdahl…

A law professor friend once instructed me in the chicanery of legal sophistry this way: If you have the law on your side, pound the law; if the facts are on your side pound the facts; but if neither are … Continue reading

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Lawyers are the first refuge of the incompetent. And misery is the company of lawsuits. And a lawsuit ain’t nuttin’ but a slaughterhouse where you go in as a pig and come out of as a sausage. And now we have the FCC keeping net neutrality for only the rich who can drive in the fast lanes with their lawyers…

Uh-oh… Frankie was starting to make sense — again. Even the arch conservative, always-in-black Louie-duh-lawyer was conceding that he was glad he didn’t have to face Frank in court. You know: If you’ll be frank I’ll be glad — to … Continue reading

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