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- I am not here to grieve Larry’s death, but to thank G-d that such a man lived. Indeed, the timing of his demise, like the ending of a story, gives a changed meaning to what preceded it. And obviously, true wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves and the world around us…
- Children begin by loving their parents; then they judge them; rarely, do they forgive them. But blame is for G-d and the small children we must keep from going insane. Leanne discovered she couldn’t have them. And I had married into insanity. Indeed, mothers may be fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own…
- Imagination was given to man to compensate for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. We don’t lose our sense of humor because we get old. We get old because we lose our sense of humor. The problem with humor is often that people you use it on aren’t in a very good mood. And Joey G was cute when he was being humorless…
- Just as there are doctors who help people who have done bad things, there are lawyers who defend bad people. People do not win fights, lawyers do. Everyone thinks defense lawyers must believe their clients are innocent, but that’s seldom true. Most of the time they are guilty as O.J… yet Trev also got his client off — mostly…
- Mother’s Day can be a torment, especially if your mother’s been dead less than a year… Men are what their mothers made them. And my mother was slightly insane. She told us baked potato skins were bad for us – so she could devour ours. Hmm… I write a mental letter to my mother every day… and apparently so does my brother…
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Monthly Archives: November 2011
Next to the circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out of town any quicker than the Christmas spirit. But commercially speaking, if there wasn’t Xmas we’d have to invent it — even if we do forget its true meaning: you know, the birth of Santa
When my last ex-wife and I would celebrate Christmas – and Chanukah – I would plead with her each and every year NOT to buy more gifts for the kids than could fill a supertanker. At least keep the massive … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Africa, Banks, Black Friday, Chanukah, China, Christ, Christmas, circus, Columbine, credit cards, Cyber Monday, Europe, Freud, Gaza Strip, gifts, Paletinian, pepper spray, postal, Russia, Santa, Social Security, Thanksgiving, turkey, Xmas
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If you think you want to live forever, try spending a night with my ex-wife. Otherwise, listen to my Mother: Without your health, it all gets too humiliating…
The other night on the phone I teased my 91-year-old mother that she was going to live forever… And so far so good, eh? I could practically hear my mother calculating through her rich, long-ago- premature, silver hair. Finally she … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged bug, death, die, District Attorney, DNA, drink, eternity, ex-wife, forever, life, Moses, mother, Noah, obituary, politician, prostate, windshield
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The Assistant District Attorney dropped all the charges when she finally realized my ex-wife was lying. Then she did nothing to help redeem my stolen life. Now it’s my turn. Perhaps I’ll begin by spanking her raw…
Guess what my ex-wife has done? You know, Stephanie Blatt: The satanette from the other side of midnight. The reason G-d made bourbon. And living proof that exorcism doesn’t work. Stephanie has gone off, run away, disappeared with our congenitally, … Continue reading
A Chinese prostitute once promised: I make you harder than Chinese math. Yeah, I got schtooped, but at least I got what I was paying for – unlike the lies and lying bastards running us deeper into recession…
I stopped in one of those fancy organic supermarkets, during one of my recent nightly forays, to get a couple of apples. As in two – no more, no few. Apples, the source of original sin. The temptation that sunk … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Apples, Arab Spring, bourbon, Colgate, credit, government, Honeycrisp, Keynesian economics, Nashville, Oakland, Occupy, Occupy Philadelphia, Philadelphia, police, supermarket, turkey, Wall Street
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