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- I am not here to grieve Larry’s death, but to thank G-d that such a man lived. Indeed, the timing of his demise, like the ending of a story, gives a changed meaning to what preceded it. And obviously, true wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves and the world around us…
- Children begin by loving their parents; then they judge them; rarely, do they forgive them. But blame is for G-d and the small children we must keep from going insane. Leanne discovered she couldn’t have them. And I had married into insanity. Indeed, mothers may be fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own…
- Imagination was given to man to compensate for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. We don’t lose our sense of humor because we get old. We get old because we lose our sense of humor. The problem with humor is often that people you use it on aren’t in a very good mood. And Joey G was cute when he was being humorless…
- Just as there are doctors who help people who have done bad things, there are lawyers who defend bad people. People do not win fights, lawyers do. Everyone thinks defense lawyers must believe their clients are innocent, but that’s seldom true. Most of the time they are guilty as O.J… yet Trev also got his client off — mostly…
- Mother’s Day can be a torment, especially if your mother’s been dead less than a year… Men are what their mothers made them. And my mother was slightly insane. She told us baked potato skins were bad for us – so she could devour ours. Hmm… I write a mental letter to my mother every day… and apparently so does my brother…
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Tag Archives: Jewish
Imagination was given to man to compensate for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. We don’t lose our sense of humor because we get old. We get old because we lose our sense of humor. The problem with humor is often that people you use it on aren’t in a very good mood. And Joey G was cute when he was being humorless…
The skinny guy was about two feet from the top of climbing the 30-foot greased pole. He was part of a team of other skinny guys with tattoos, climbing over each other, groping and hoping to get to the prizes … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged animals, butterfly, chances, farm, festival, Frank Rizzo, Godzilla, grease, humor, Italian, Jewish, Joey Gannascoli, lesbian, memorabilia, Philadelphia, pole, Sopranos, Vito, zipper
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Any jackass can kick down a barn, but it takes a good carpenter to build one up. In the spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to love… but us ‘old men’ turn to painting the house. I may not be perfect, but I am avid – about not giving a damn. After all, as I told my mammoth, cigar-puffing, Italian landlord: Look what ‘youse’ guys did to that last Jewish carpenter…
My landlord warned me. Then again, my over-sized, South Philadelphia, Italian landlord and I have a rather pedestrian relationship. That is, as long as I pay the rent, he allows me to live where I live. And enjoy breathing. Which … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged attorney, beer, bourbon, brandy, brushes, car, Carolina, carpenter, detailing, French, Italian, Jewish, painting, Philadelphia, polyurethane, preparation, sandpaper, South, South Vietnamese
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I don’t do guilt. I definitely don’t embrace collective guilt when we should be implementing collective responsibility. Guilt is like bondage. It is a thief… it robs from your life. It doesn’t garner my sympathy, especially because ‘sympathy’ in my dictionary is located between shit and syphilis…
I have more than a wee bit of trouble with people who just refuse to listen. Like in politics, or with bad spouses. I mean, no one is as deaf as a person who will not listen. As if they … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged aborigine, Adam, Allah, America, American Indian, Amori, Armenian, Australia, Beauregard, catholic, Eve, Freudian, genocide, Germans, god, Guilt, Jewish, Khmer Rouge, Mao, New Zealand, pity, Rwanda, slaves, Stalin, sympathy, Yahweh
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Plans are wasted; but planning is everything. And in a troubled world where we are paying more but getting less, we are pissed. But the real problem is we are lying hypocrites. We feel entitled. We pray on Sunday morning then rage on the road driving home. And United Airlines and Wells Fargo merely did unto us what we do unto others…
I don’t know how my father learned how to be the boss in starting and running his little chainsaw factory that, at times when contracts were due, employed a hundred men and women in those post-war labor-intensive days. Perhaps it … Continue reading
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Tagged Assad, Banks, Big Business, boss, candy, CEO, Chicago, Christian, Congress, corporate, dividends, Easter, Gallup, Golden Rule, Great War, Jewish, Kentucky, Louisville, Main Street, MBA, Muslim, O'hare, sarin, sheep, Silver, stocks, Syria, Twitter, Uber, United Airlines, Wall Street, Washington, Wells Fargo
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Sometimes something happens that makes you realize the human race is not as bad as it seems. Then again, drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it’s compounding a felony. Hmm… And, as my pastor espoused: ‘We may have a new President, but we’ve still got the same old G-d.’ So ‘drink’ for me – I’ll be the only Trump guy at the family Thanksgiving table…
The advertisement boomed from the radio almost as a brief respite from all the blaring news about the cries-of-duh-unfittest protesting Trump’s election… and petitioning the Electoral College not to cast their votes for him in December. The radio ad, promoting … Continue reading
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Tagged 911, America, Baptist, Bermuda, Bill, bourbon, Bush, catholic, Chicago, crotch, Daly, Democrats, Dewey, Elba, electoral college, Europe, Freedom Tower, Hillary, Humpty Dumpty, Jewish, JFK, Jimmy Carter, Lincoln, Melania, Moby Dick, Niagara Falls, Obama, Reagan, San Francisco, socialism, Thanksgiving, Truman, Trump, weapons of mass destruction, World Trade towers, yuge
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As you get older it’s harder to have heroes, but it is sort of necessary… I guess. But just because I ‘accidentally’ saved the chief’s life, shouldn’t have made me his hero. And then he offered me his daughter. Oy-vey! Heroes don’t get wives, they get all duh women… don’t they? Sooo, what is a hero?
One time, a lot of years back, in West Africa, after a rather raucous conflict that involved shooting people who were spraying bullets and other harmful objects our way, a tribal chief tried to reward me with one of his … Continue reading
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Tagged Africa, Arnold Palmer, Brits, bullet, chicken, chief, Christian, Gandhi, gin, gun, hero, Hollywood, Hudson River, Jewish, Jonas Salk, machete, movies, Muhammad Ali, Muslim, Philips, politically correct, post traumatic stress, scripts, Sgt. York, she-ro, Sully, tribal, West Africa
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We all love a great party. But afterwards we are still stuck with cleaning up the mess. Just like the GOP and Democrats, and now the Olympics, have been throwing us some grand par-tees! But tomorrow we’re still stuck with yesterday’s mess. Think about that when you cast your ballots in November…
When I was a columnist in North Carolina every New Year’s Eve I would throw a par-tee! My house and back yard became known far and wide for this and a spring bash. Sex, drugs and rock and roll. Food, … Continue reading
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Tagged aliens, astronomer, athletes, bankers, Brazil, California, Chinese, Cleveland, Democrats, doping, estraterrestrial, favelas, GOP, gymnasts, intelligence, Jewish, jobs, journalist, justice, killings, Lake Placid, lawyers, Marvelous City, Michael Phelps, miracle, musicians, New Year, North Carolina, Olympics, party, Philadelphia, politician, Putin, Raleigh, Rio, Russian, shantytowns, slums, Sochi, USA, Veterans, wars
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These days everybody is so terrified of being labeled a racist. Racism is like ketchup, it can be spread on practically anything. But the question is: Do folks in America have a right to be racist? Hmm… I never apologize for the truth. And the truth is that racists come in many different colors…
During a glorious day on July 4th weekend at the Atlantic City shore a large gathering of Hispanics from Puerto Rico, with ample beach to chose from, decided to plop their blankets… and chairs …and umbrellas… and coolers… and radios… … Continue reading
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Tagged AA, airport, Asians, Atlantic City, bailout, beach, Belgian, bigot, Blacks, bourbon, Brian Williams, Brits, Central America, cigars, claustrophobia, comedian, Coney Island, detente, diplomat, Dominican Republic, Donald Trump, Eskimo, French, gamblling, gin, Greek, Haiti, Hillary Clinton, Hispanic, humor, Italian, Jewish, Lebanese, lightbulb, MSNBC, Nicaragua, nightclub, North Carolina, Philadelphia, President Obama, prostitute, Puerto Rico, racist, railroad, RC Cola, Richard Pryor, social media, South America, South Philly, Spain, stereotype, Syrian, tattoo, Twin Smoke Shoppe, twinkies, Twitter, West Africa, xenophobia
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It’s no secret that all our actions have consequences. And wisdom consists of the anticipation of those consequences. So when I was told that Sister Lee lived in fear of her troubled son I suggested that the best advice we could give ‘him’ was a good scare. Then Brother Rayfield suggested something even better…
I think the first time I offered this particular not-very-veiled threat – okay, ‘poignant advice’ — was at that business meeting in Nigeria outside of Lagos. Hmm… Or, maybe it was with those engineers in Madrid… Or, then again, perhaps … Continue reading
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Tagged Bangkok, bible, Christian Stronghold Church, consequeces, Doubting Thomas, Jewish, Lagos, Madrid, Nigeria, oil, Philadelophia, Siberia, White, wisdom
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It’s been no secret for centuries that ‘the rich get divorced, and the poor get ethics.’ In other words, the law and opportunities aren’t the same for everybody. Indeed there is larceny in all our hearts. But some hearts steal more. And the rest of us get a lot less…
The other day at the Twin Smoke Shoppe in South Philly where I puff cigars daily, Ralph got to talking about the time years back he used the $100 ‘given’ him to get poked with a prostitute… and instead bought … Continue reading
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Tagged alcoholism, America, Angel Dust, bourbon, Bush, cigars, District Attorney, Donald Trump, dope, formaldehyde, German Shepherd, Goodfellas, Google, Goombas, Great danes, Italians, Jew, Jewish, journalist, justice, Luxembourg, Massage Parlor, Moses, newspapers, Nixon, Obama, oregano, Panama Papers, Ph.D., Reagan, sex, tax havens, tax shelters, veterinarian, Walmart
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